SSU- the vaccum eats too much

Do you know what gets fed around here non stop?  And I mean NON STOP?  The Stupid Sucker Upper or SSU as I call it.  The vacuum.  That thing.  Momma feeds it every 12 seconds or so it seems. And it has no discriminating palate... it even eats dirt!  For real.... Ick.  I am watching it do its thing from the safety of the couch.  It tends to want to eat your toes or suck your tail or... eat your chewies.  Lucky for me the last time  SSU  tried to eat one of my chewies it nearly chocked to death.

Ok, I am not going to lie. I got a secret thrill out of that. You should have heard it screetch and whine. It sounded like it was going to give up the ghost at any second. Quite fascinating, actually.

Got every two legged in this house down here pronto. They did the equivalent of the  Heimlich maneuver  on the SSU   Flipped t it over, opened its armor and extracted my chewy which was covered in nasty caca... And the insanity of it all guess who got scolded.  The  SSU  for touching my stuff?  Nooooooo, Far be it from me to expect logic in my house.  Nooooo,  SSU  can do NO wrong... I GOT SCOLDED for leaving my chewie  where SSU could eat it and choke on it.  No logic.

I almost thought that Momma  IT more than she loves us.

Wendy hates it, she avoids it.  I think she is kind of scared of it.  I am not.  I have flipped on its back and watch it lay there belly up just whining... [nobody knows it was me who did it...] Once it is on its back it's useless...  I am not afraid of it. JD is indifferent to it.  He just marginalized it which is quite effective to establish hierarchy.

I hate it. I hate it's song, same old same old each time, can't learn a new tune... I hate how it refuses to play even when you do a play bow and invite it to play nicely, I hate that it thinks its too good to play with us... I hate when it beeps because one of its blinky towers is down... and more than anything I hate the stupid thing because it thinks its momma's favorite.  It is not. 
Despite all evidence to the contrary, not once, not ever have I caught momma rubbing its belly or cooing it or snuggling with it.  So there  SSU ... you are, as far as I can tell on par with her Robot Coupe... and that, my dear is just a theng....

You will never have momma's heart like I do.

'vie