Monday, January 31, 2011

I am having a bad hair day

I have no idea why, maybe the dry air, maybe winter's revenge, but my curls are just way too puffy. It is not making me happy. No. I have to be honest. I am FINE. what's making me unhappy is momma chasing me with a brush and comb. I have my own agenda for the day. I have couches to "de-pillow" toy boxes to empty, barking at the squirrels and birds, tormenting [with love of course] The Wendy and JD, I have toilet paper to unroll, I have to get into daddy's closet and win a fight with the bathrobe sash, and ohhh I almost forgot, I have to "unbury" the stuff I stashed last night, unless Ms OCD [momma] found it already. why would she go after my bite of oat stick? That woman needs a hobby. Yea, make more oat sticks momma, those were really good. and that should keep you busy.

Two leggeds tend to view their four leggeds only from their own perspective. They really think we are only accessorizing their lives. And, let's face it, we four legged encourage that kind of thinking as long gets us more... of everything. [ie belly rubs, walks, chewies, etc.]
The reality is quite different. We have our own lives, our own aspirations, goals, etc etc.

For the last month or so I have been quietly waging a war with the bathrobe sash in daddy's closet. It hangs there. I have not figured out how it holds on, but I have been slowly pulling it down. I am not sure what I will do when I finally get it completely down, but I figure I will get inspired then. Mind, you I have to "work it" quietly without momma noticing it, so it has been a challenge.

JD has been focused on cat mind control. As soon as that weird fat [yes it is fat!!!It is way bigger than any of us!] cat from across the street steps into our front yard, JD sits in front of the window and starts this low growl which makes the cat freeze. Then they are locked into a staring contest and a mind control battle. Dog v cat. I must say, JD is awsome and usually the cat gives up and leaves.

The Wendy is focused on her ultimate quest. How many continuous undisturbed hours can she log on the bed? OCD momma is her biggest obstacle. Between making the bed, fluffing the pillow, pushing us off to go for walks, etc. momma does not see the bigger picture. So frustrating for the Wendy!

Ohh I discovered something new yesterday. DO NOT stand by the warm dishwasher. If momma opens that sucker, you get a cloud of steam into your face, and... it smells like soap. Ick.

Anyway, the point of this diatribe is to inform the two legged readers that WE four leggeds have our own lives to fulfill and we are not just accessories to yours.

Momma, put away the stupid brush and go make oat sticks.

I love you [she is soooooo needy!]

another MERRICK recall

Recall -- Firm Press Release

Fri, 28 Jan 2011 21:00:00 -0600

FDA posts press releases and other notices of recalls and market withdrawals from the firms involved as a service to consumers, the media, and other interested parties. FDA does not endorse either the product or the company.


Customer Inquiries
(800) 664-7387

James Witcher, COO
(806) 322-2806

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - Merrick Pet Care, Inc. of Amarillo, Texas is recalling the Jr. Texas Taffy pet treat (ITEM # 27077, UPC # 02280827077, All Lots up to and including 10364) because they have the potential to be contaminated with Salmonella. Merrick Pet Care has made the decision to recall all Jr. Texas Taffy pet treats in the abundance of caution. Salmonella can affect animals and there is risk to humans from handling contaminated pet products. People handling the treats can become infected with Salmonella, especially if they have not thoroughly washed their hands after having contact with the chews or any surfaces exposed to these products. Consumers should dispose of these products in a safe manner by securing them in a covered trash receptacle.

Healthy people infected with Salmonella should monitor themselves for some or all of the following symptoms: nausea, vomiting, diarrhea or bloody diarrhea, abdominal cramping and fever. Rarely, Salmonella can result in more serious ailments, including arterial infections, endocarditis, arthritis, muscle pain, eye irritation, and urinary tract symptoms. Consumers exhibiting these signs after having contact with this product should contact their healthcare providers immediately.

Pets with Salmonella infections may be lethargic and have diarrhea or bloody diarrhea, fever, and vomiting. Some pets will have only decreased appetite, fever and abdominal pain. Infected but otherwise healthy pets can be carriers and infect other animals or humans. If your pet has consumed the recalled product and has these symptoms, please contact your veterinarian immediately.

The Jr. Texas Taffy was shipped to distributors and retailers throughout the US. These individuals have been notified and have activated their recall procedures.

No illnesses have been reported to date.

Consumers who have purchased the Jr. Texas Taffy are urged to return the unused portion to the place of purchase for a full refund. Consumers with questions may contact the company at 1-800-664-7387 M-F 8:00am – 5:00pm CST.


EDITOR'S NOTE: this is a dog chew, yet the word DOG is conspicuously absent from this press release. WHY?

other MERRICK recalls:

Someone is going to get it....

JD: "Mommmmmmmmma daddddddddddy, the girls are on the internet againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn !!! They are on you tube!

Are you two going to be in troubleeee.

Look daddy, I told you! Look, they are all over the web. Ick , I bet all the pervs are watching them! I think they need to get punished!!!!!!!

'Vie: "Hey tattles... as soon as you are off daddy's lap we are going to sew up those loose lips of your... Just get down... I am going to personally teach you not to tattle ... and you are the only perv."

Do you see what I have to put up with?

Sunday, January 30, 2011

what's the point?

We have had this discussion many times. I hate clothes. No, having the bow match my ears is not a bonus. And you asking me to pose is not my idea of fun.

Yea, yea pink and gray is sophisticated, but guess what? Fur is so much more. PETA can go....^&%$%! I grew this myself!

My language? Where it comes from? How about from a place of rage!

Why would I say that I am sorry? I am not sorry. I am angry. I know my own emotions.

What do you mean oceanfront? Boardwalk? Mhh. You think I should wear this rag because it's cold on the boardwalk. But I am here. I am not on the boardwalk. Ohhhhhhhh. We are going there? Like in five minutes, real time or five minutes NFL time? Ohh okkkkk

Are we meeting anyone we know? Good. I don't care about strangers, I hope they are all tourists in fact. Fine, you can have your apology, but it will not be sincere.

What's The Wendy wearing? And JD?

But we ARE going to boardwalk, right???

Ok, leave the rags ons me.


PS. do you notice I am maintaining my dignity?
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Friday, January 28, 2011


So, while the momma and daddy get ready for our Saturday outings, I decided to video chat with my human sister. Of course the puparazzi [momma and daddy] had to take pictures...because apparently they have nothing better to do... GO GET READY! People. It's annoying enough that they have to put on layers of rags before they consider themselves ready to go out, then they add to your wait with their other activities. FOCUS people... going out, rags...clothes, whatever...

Not to mention the intrusion on my private conversations. I would like to be afforded some respect and some privacy. There are things I wish to talk to Dowi about that I don't want to share with momma, or daddy or the rest of the world. But noooooo...

But today is Saturday and it has been a long cold week, daddy promised us fun, so we are going out and having, making or getting fun. Any of those work for me.

Dowi, did I ever tell you that your bed looks really comfy on the screen? I am trying to see what spot I would choose to snuggle with you... if I were visiting you...

Can you see momma's dresser? She has new white hats on it. You know... white hat society and all...

You know what, I think you and I should talk later, when miss camera and mr nosy are NOT around. So how about if I let you get some breakfast and maybe we can chat on IM?

Cool. Going to push thee people along.

The list of much needed inventions. Get on with it!

While I hate fiction, I love Star Trek. It makes perfect sense to me, because I view Star Trek not as fiction, but as a blue print of things that have not been invented yet. NOT fictional. Simply not yet developed. And I am growing impatient. So, instead of wasting money and time on useless caca, let's get with the program already! Stop squinting. I am NOT crazy.

We need a food replicator. I will settle for a YUM.file extension program that will let you forward goodies etc. Hurry up. We need this!

You think I am just cute and fluffy, but not grounded in reality? Ooook... next time you walk into a store and those doors just open for you, in your little head add the whhhhooosh sound that you first heard on Stark Trek ...

Sooo, when is that teleporter prototype going to be showing up at my doorstep? I am so very tired of having my two leggeds trapped inside the telephone. Like last night. I wanted daddy. All I got was daddy's voice coming out of the stupid telephone. Every try to get a belly rub from one of those? Or lick one of those? Useless plastic. I wanted daddy. But he will have to "travel" to get back home. How pawsitively primitive. Teleporting would solve that issue as well as the overcrowded flights, the pollution caused by cars, fuel crisis... etc etc. So... message to the inventors... We don't want or need another stinking layered piece of gum. Stop working on that. Start working on the transporter. STAT!

And while you geniuses with thumbs are at it... a hologram deck would be ever so nice. I know I could use a change of scenery just about now...

And...yes, the Da Vinci surgical robot is ok, but really... Bones would have called it barbaric. Do we really still need to cut and stitch? Do we really need to stick that thermometer in a private place... Dr K???? Hmmm??? Remember the hypospray? Bones used it all the times. With a hypospray injection, the medicine is forced under the skin with high air pressure, NO needle is required. We call it a jet injector and it is now used by all the best medical offices. Dr. K, getting one of those soon???

Remember when Scotty used transparent aluminum to transport the two humpback whales (George and Gracie) to the Earth of their time? Yes, we now call that aluminum oxynitride aka ALON. ALON is a ceramic powdered material that converts to a crystalline form like glass, when heated under pressure. It is strong enough to withstand bullets. And guess what? The Air Force is now using it... Thank you Scotty!

How about this... next time you put on your Blue Tooth earpiece.. think Lieutenant Uhura. Yea...

And tractor beams are a reality used by NASA daily to perform maintenance functions on satellite, we call them "Optical Tweezers".

Phasers... are being developed. Its ancestors are common place...stun guns. tazers... and such...

Universal Translators... Gurgle without the bugs. Soon?

And Geordi's visor is more than a theoretical reality and in 2005, a team of scientists from Stanford University successfully implanted a small chip behind the retina of blind rats that enabled them to pass a vision recognition test. Human trials are closer than you think.

Remember "telepresence"? Yea, we call that video conferencing...

Remember Tricorders? Spock had one with him at all times. NASA uses a hand held device called LOCAD, which measures for unwanted microorganisms such as E. coli, fungi and salmonella on board the International Space Station ...and your diabetes meter is being expanded for heart monitoring and cancer monitoring and LOCAD will soon be available for home application to measure gasses, molds etc.

And while you are "dictating away" or listening to a pre recorded message or listening to your NUVI... think... and remember that the first computer that ..."talked"... was on the Enterprise.

Oh and one more thing, look at that nifty cell phone, 2. 3. 4 G whatever... it all started with the Star Trek communicators. What are your coordinates now?

I am NOT crazy, I am just an impatient visionary

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

you too The Wendy, PLAY with me!

I love you The Wendy,


moi? An instigator?

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Look, momma, girls just want to have fun! And it's raining and I am bored and I just playing! What does that even mean, an "instigator"??

I just want to have fun!!!


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

If ask and you shall receive is true...

Then....can I have one of these days?

I am tired of the cold.

Making lemonade

What does one do when daddy's coat falls on your head and crowds you in your car seat?

JD knows what to do. You make make the best of the situation and you SNUGGLE into it and you take a nap, because sometimes, when life hands you lemons, all you can do is make lemonade.

Please note that in true Bichon style he is wearing the collar as a hat brim. FABULOUS DAHRLING, just fab!!!

Meanwhile I was freezing my tushy off... ok that's a lie... but I did not have daddy's coat....

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Monday, January 24, 2011

RA...VIO... LI

If you hope to get any of these do not, let me stress that, DO NOT call them pasta pockets. That makes momma red in the face. Learn to call them RAVIOLI. And don't call the red stuff red gravy. That gets you thrown out of the house. Learn it... salsa di pomodoro. Now, assuming you said all the right things, you will get to to taste the pasta poc.... I mean the ravioli. They are to die for. The inside is delish.

Boy the hoops you have to jump through to get some nibbles around here!

happily annoyed 'vie

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Don't TALK to me about DIET...

Don't even try....
Not when you bring home one of those... Prosciutto!!!!! A whole one?

That smells like that!

Looks like that... and tastes like heaven.....

Where is the doggy's rights commission when you need it????


Friday, January 21, 2011


Dear Rocky, I know that you are finally going home. Yeaaaaaa!!! You scared us for a while. I do hope you are feeling way better and I do hope you are on your way to a full recovery. I can't tell you how worried we were about you.

Please, take care of yourself so that this is only a bad memory. We love you you know.

GIRLS do IT BETTER!!!!! Go Chaser, go Chaser.....

A while back I did a story about an overachiever who was dazzling the world with his knowledge of toys. Yawn, Rico, Border Collie in Germany was making headlines because he knew the names of 200 toys.Well, Rico, know what's up? Your 15 minutes of fame! You know why? Because the NY times reports that a girl, yea big boy, a GIRL named Chaser from Spartanburg, S.C., has the largest vocabulary of any known dog. She knows 1,022 nouns! And that is only part of the story.
The article titled SIT. STAY. PARSE. GOOD GIRL! details Chaser's skill and what psychologists are learning from her. You read it correctly, they are learning FROM HER. Sigh. Two leggeds.
They think they know everything.

Turning my attention. Do you know why I don't know the names for 1022 toys????? Because I DON'T HAVE 1,022 toys, that's why. Between the toy boxes I think I am at about 300 or so toys. I live in an under- toyed house. I am underprivileged. And do you know whose fault that is???
Momma and her rules.... yea, world, momma has rules about toys. Before any toy is allowed to come live here, it has to pass the OCD momma tests. Don't ask me. Something about material, construction and safety.?????

Well, momma, thank you for depriving me the opportunity to learn. Chaser's human did not limit her learning... closing my eyes, letting out a deep sigh.

Wait a minute.... does Chaser have an Ipad or a laptop? Does she use Dragon Naturally Barking? I do! I blog!!! I know how to travel in style, I know hotel menus, room service, I know great shopping, I know some music, I know some literature... I know how to handle my daddy, my Adam... and the Dowi! I know way more than the name of stupid toys! But I would like more toys.

Let's try this. Momma... in the name of science and in pursuit of knowledge[oy] can I please have more toys?


Thank you to Mary Carr, Rocky's momma our contributing editor for this post as she sent us the article on Chaser.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

what did you say?

Hmm. Slowly please, say it again. I think I heard we are going to buy treats and toys? Did you say it?? You can leave the clothes on me if we are really going there. Just to be sure, we are going where they have tanks and tanks filled with live sushi.... and the funky multi colored chickens right???? I'm down with that, let's boogie!!!!! Go get ready...

on my way to the pet store, 'vie
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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The White Hat Society meets again!

Check them out... The White Hat Society once again, stopped traffic, lunched, chatted and raised awareness and had a grand time. I sniffed momma. She had food in front of me behind my back...and she did not share, not even by way of a doggy bag...

I wonder what really goes on at these White Hat Society gatherings.... Judging from all the feathers, there are some naked birds out there...

Do they have a secret handshake? Do they have a secret agenda?
I have to go nap now. I need to stay awake tonight in case momma talks in her sleep, I need to be awake to listen.

who has a white hat...and could join if asked...

Do you have one of these?

It's a double faced softie, mouse on one side, cat on the other I have named Eve... get it? As in The three Faces of Eve, but my Eve only has two faces... Ha I crack me up. But the fascinating thing about Eve is the fact that her belly has a treat. I think it does. I say this because you can hear the paper crinkle when you play with her and everyone knows, treats come in crinkly paper. I have bee working on shaking that treat loose for about 3 weeks now. Funny thing is, I can de squeak a toy in under 20 minutes, but Eve has no squeaker to " de squeak". And she is hanging on to her treat... Today I am trying a different approach. I am going to try dragging her everywhere so she gets tired and gives up. Maybe she needs to be dropped from the balcony... or from the top of the steps... Mhhh I will doing all that today. I WANT what is in her belly!

Color me persistent
PS, my tail is BLURRY... again!
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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Get well WISHES

Please join us in sending get well wishes to my friend Rocky Carr. Rocky is sick and he needs prayers and good thoughts so he car recover and go home to his momma who is missing him so much.

Rocky, we love you so much, please get well as quickly as possible.

'vie and family .

Ralph who???

No, I don't care that the look is pure Ralph Lauren.... I don't care! I want this thing off of me ...Hiss... I am giving you my mean angry look....

That look was not enough? Fine, I am leaving. I don't like you and I am NOT your dress up doll... I am going...


Monday, January 17, 2011

OF course NOT

I know I am not supposed to be on her pillow...but then I am supposed to get morning belly rubs. She [momma] decided that organizing her knives was more important than my belly. I am just making a point. We can mutually honor each other's needs... or mutually ignore each other's needs... know what I mean???

I like this pillow, I think it will keep me happy for a while.
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Saturday, January 15, 2011

But I am being a good girl!

You said I get a treat if I am a good girl. I am a good girl! I am sitting, look! I am sitting like a

good girl! Now go get my treat while I hold my good girl pose.... go .... go....

I will be right here holding my good girl pose when you get back... Now GO!!!
Groan.... training your two legged can be really really a challenge!

I am watching momma... no stopping to wipe anything, pick up anything... go get my treat...
Yesssss now you are being a "good girl"...

see how much work I have to put in ?

Friday, January 14, 2011

Mental cobwebs

Mhhh why is it that momma does not have a wallpaper of moi for her computers?

So... a new sign of the zodiac. Ophiuchus... I can't even pronounce it. but it does explain that alleged Capricorn pub with the weird personality. Never mind, part of my past...

Happy birthday Wiki, you are 10! So what kind of senior discounts do you get?

White Hat luncheon coming up. If momma's nose dries up maybe she can go to it. I have seen a few..."hats" coming out of her closet... [this is when I am grateful I don't have to be seen with her]

Piers Morgan has a new show. Mhh that's the dude with the insulting personality? Good luck dude...

I still have time for this:

But I keep running out of treats in my testing of the auto treat dispenser. And momma does not get it. She thinks I want treats for treat's sake! Her narrow mindedness is costing me the competition. I am just saying... She is impeding progress!!!! I need unlimited treats to test my reward driven autobotic non human interface treat dispenser. I based it on the concept of positive reinforcement. But, I take it one step further. I "reward" anticipated good behavior by dispensing treats. BUT.....alas... that momma has NO vision.... and NO understanding of neuro science and seratonin production and synoptic response. So, you are all being victimized by momma's narrow mindedness because she is sticking to her treat rule... I am just saying... Back to inciting JD. Got to get him to play with me while I clear my head of these mental cobwebs...


PS Madame Curie did not have momma, did she??????