Tuesday, July 15, 2008

DOGGY dreams

My idea of Doggy Nirvana:

If I had the magic wand and power to waive it, I would create the perfect utopia for all caninekind:

1. All fleas, ticks, vermin and such that buzz, bite or stick to you and make you itch are abolished.

2. Leashes are abolished and humans have to be trained to walk without them. (I said magic...)

3. For all you markers out there, a fire hydrant or post every 50 feet.:)

4. Upholstery for everyone! Couches, beds, chaises, loveseats, recliners... etc. for everyone, everywhere! ('ti's the Bichon in me!)

5. Open scent bars so you can rub yourself on duck poop, dead fish, bird dropping etc and smell they way you want to anytime, without interference from 2leggeds. (I said magic)

6. Train the 2leggeds to come, sit, heel, go for walk, drive, fetch snack, belly scratch, cuddle. (like I said... magic)

7. All squirrels are an acceptable renewable resource for fun, food and chase.

8. Protected under privacy laws, are all forms of self expression that do not harm anyone. So licking oneself would be perfectly fine, anytime, anywhere.Sniffing anywhere any time is perfectly acceptable. Endless barking is protected as free speech.

9. All humans who deliver anything anywhere, have to accept the consequences of their territorial encroachment and stop whining about it. Yes, Mr mailman, that includes you, the pizza guy, the UPS and Fedex people... etc.

10. The following phrases have been abolished: "no" "leave it" "stop".

11. All drive up windows must serve palatable canine delights on demand.

12. Every single house must have superior grade wall to wall carpeting for butt rubbing.

13. Any tissue box must be surrendered immediately to any doggy wanting it, anytime, anywhere.

14.Play time in the middle of the night is ok and all humans must adjust.

15. No more waiting around! All refrigerator doors must be equipped with dog friendly handles.

16. No human lap can be empty for more than 2 minutes.

Well those are my initial thoughts, but it is a working list, what would you add?



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