Monday, August 10, 2009

charcuterie another word for TORTURE

Momma is tormenting us. Seriously. She in engaging in systematic torture. I am serious.
I am not being funny.

First she comes home with a huge amount of pork. I mean huge! Then she trims and cuts and chops and the whole time she is humming. By the time she was half done, the smell of pork was making us all crazy. Oh did I mention she trimmed and threw away a bunch of it? Wasteful woman. There were three of us who would have loved a morsel or two.... But no, she even took the trash out so as to "not lead us into temptation" Now she has has a God complex.

After the trimming and humming, out came a piece to her machine Hagador. [Lame name, I know, but that is what she calls it! Hagador ] JD got all excited. He has seen this before, obviously.

JD plotzed himself 3 feet away so he could watch. Me too I plotzed myself next to him. Wendy hid. Wendy always hides. And noisy machines make her hide faster. Hagador is noisy.

Anyway, momma fed all that pork to Hagador. There was so much of it that Hagador started spitting it out all chewed up. I am NOT joking. It was bizarre. Momma forced fed Hagador every bit of that pork. And Hagador "returned it" chewed up.

I was in shock. JD told me to just wait and see what came next. He should have said wait and sniff. Yes sniff, because momma started tossing all kinds of smelly things into the chewed up pork, she even poured wine in it! I definitely did not want it anymore.

But, just like people are fascinated by a car wreck,I remained in my watching position, fascinated.

Momma put a sock like thing on Hagador's face and then she re stuffed the chewed now smelling pork [ it really smelled rather... nice??? familiar even...] into Hagador. As she did that, the sock in front of Hagador got full and became SAUSAGE! I swear it. Yards and yards of it! Like magic! GIMMIE! GIMMIE! GIMMIE!

I love sausage. I get to beg for hours for one tiny bite when she cooks it! But now she has miles of it! She should have no problem sharing!!!

(And this is where the torture comes in.) She packaged it ALL. She put it all in the big cold box.
ALL of it. And I mean ALL.

Is there nothing in the Geneva Convention about sausage sharing? Oh and the other thing, she calls it charcuterie. It is sausage. I am not stupid. She is just selfish and not sharing it that's all.

It is pure torture,
who do I report this to???
Meanwhile, please VOTE

No comments: