So, you know how I approached momma for a retention bonus? Well, I thought I had made a compelling argument which was fair and equitable. But you know what they say... the devil is in the details. Momma asked if my demand was 15 chewies in addition to what I get now or as she would like to interpret it, "15 chewies total- for the year."
Gasp! I knew I was in over my head. Arguing with a lawyer is not smart, so I lawyered up.
Had to. This guppy was not going to swim in shark infested waters alone.
My lawyer reviewed my offer and has advised me that I was overly generous and that I grossly underestimated my worth. We considered momma's clarification a counteroffer and promptly rejected it so allowing us to submit our own "new offer."
Boy this law business is complicated. The one good thing is the fact that my lawyer has agreed to take her payment in kisses and snuggles which she will collect when she comes home.
Now, getting down to my new offer. I am asking for the following:
Silvieon4 shall be entitled to a one year retention bonus which will include the following:
- A new pink toy of her choice with a dual squeakers.
- 24 chewies which shall be in addition to her guaranteed nightly snack chewie.
- None of the 24 chewies shall be subject to forfeiture for any reason whatsoever.
- Said chewies shall be delivered as follows: one chewie shall be delivered the first day of each month and one chewie shall be delivered on the 15th day of each month, before noon, in a timely and courteous manner. Said days shall be designated Silvieon4 days and celebrated as such with all accouterments.
- Penalty for failure to deliver said chewies shall result in an automatic increase of fee by 50% for each day of delay.
- Also part of this retention agreement shall be the right to ride upfront in any vehicle momma is driving.
- And momma will provide Silvieon4 with a vehicle and driver [or she can drive]so Silvieon4 can go out shopping once a week and Silvieon4 shall have full use of momma's credit card up to $7.00. [I asked for 7! That is a lot and I love 7]
- Silvieon4 shall have the right of first refusal on any left over item on momma's plate.
- Silvieon4 shall be entitled to one unsolicited belly rub per night which shall last no less than 7 minutes.
- Silvieon4 wants MORE of everything because that's what all girls want.
this is why I lawyered up. My lawyer says I lack perspective. So, that's going on my shopping list for my first shopping trip. I think I will get a pound of perspective.
If you have any ideas for my shopping trip let me know!
For now, I am affording momma a reasonable time for review. That's lawyer lingo for time to read the stuff.
Vote up, it will soon be over