Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Seriously now, CAN we talk???

The holidays are coming. I have been asking and asking what each 2legged in my family wants.
All I get is weird stuff from them like: "All your kisses" - "All your snuggles" "All your blitzes". Come on people. I can't even figure a way to wrap up any of that stuff! And, do I give away my kisses and snuggles and blitzes to anyone else? I think you are just placating me. I looked up that word. PLACATE. I don't like it. I am insulted. You are not taking me or my talents seriously.

If you really are trying to indicate that you would like a personal gift rather than some store bought "thing", than say so. There many many things I can give you that are entirely personal.

Dowi, you can have all the ribbons momma keeps trying to stick in my hair. I have TONS and you have lotsa hair. It's perfect. (If momma makes you wear 'em, I bet Wendy will help you pluck 'em out if you ask nicely. She always does for me.)

Daddy, who is the best glasses licker in the world? I am! I can clean up your glasses better than anyone! I could give you a gift certificate for 10 glasses cleanings! Now, that is a personal gift.

Adam, I can de-stress you for free, no charge, I can give you a gift certificate for belly rubbing and head polishing! The first is a scientifically proven de-stresser. The second makes you giggle. And what is a better gift that laughter?

Momma. You are a tougher nut to crack. [Pun intended] Knowing you, kisses, licks and snuggles are not going to be enough. One. You are a puppy hog. You take kisses licks and snuggles any time you walk by any of us. And, please stop with the belly poofing. Nobody likes it and you are now addicted to it. Get help. We envision you walking and grabbing some strange four legged for a quick belly poof. Shaking my head. OY. Two. We need to invade your world to impress you.
Ok. I got it. How about I give you a no chewing of pillow corners certificate. Not that I am admitting to anything, just saying I could make that happen. Wouldn't that be a great personal gift?

I even thought of nonna. I know what I could give her. I could give her my "zampina" 10 times!
She loves shaking paw. [I don't judge- if I did that belly poofing momma does would send me into therapy for years...]

See, I have insight and you should not placate me. I have way too much to offer to be dismissed with "nullifiers" so, stop it and when I ask, speak your heart, otherwise, you will have to be happy with whatever I come up with. So, speak now or forever hold your pee.
[I don't know, but that is what momma says when she asks if we want to go out... must be an idiom or something]

Hahahahaha... JD just said he is giving you all the same thing. A full half hour of scritches and belly foot rubs. He says you all need to feel needed. Hahahahahaha.

Working on my holiday gift list....


No comments: