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Monday, February 7, 2011

Ripe indeed.....

Have you ever noticed how your two leggeds are a walking smell buffet? Think about it.

I have been thinking about it only because occasionally I am forced to go to Miss Margie and get the B A T H and groom bit. Momma will start whining about me being a little "ripe". I know. It is such a nasty thing to say about me. Basically she is comparing me to soon to be rotten fruit. I take grand offense. And this comes from a walking smell buffet.

I have actually had to work very hard to find the pure human smell. It's there, buried under layers of shampoo, soaps, conditioners, antiperspirants, lotions, potions and such, eye drops, perfume, cologne, hair spray, glossers, shaping gels, toothpaste mouthwash, mouth rinse, powders, anti bacterial soap, desitin, cortisone... lip glossers, lip stick, make up, after shave, balm, talc, nail polish, nail polish remover, cuticle cream.... sunblock...moisturizer...you get the idea....

A cacophony of smells produced by chemical brews surrounds two leggeds. Some even add the smell of cigarettes, not my fav... actually hate it... and little two leggeds are generally sticky and smelly.

So where does momma get off calling me RIPE?

Two leggeds forget that a canine nose can discriminate odors at concentrations nearly 100 million times lower than humans can. Your morning routine sends my olfactory cortex into hyper drive. It is like having a full marching band playing in a phone booth. Yuh... loud.... toooooo loud....

If you are in an elevator, OMD the smells! I walk out with nose fatigue. I am told that each product comes with a label which names the stuff in the product. They need that? A sniff won't tell them? Sad.

Momma, don't call me RIPE. Ever. I put up with all your layers of stink. If you loved me you would wear eau de boeuf . Does Guerlain make that? They should. Worth it to me.

Do you know how we tune you out? We cover our nose!!!



I am not RIPE. You are.
'vie



4 comments:

Foley Monster and Pocket said...

Oh humans smell. They just don't know it. Wow. You think they would have more thought for us and our sensitive noses. Sometimes I think they don't think their farts stink

Anonymous said...

Thanks Vie! Mom read your post and we now have appointments for the "SPA" on Friday. Mom says we look like Phyllis Diller! WHO IS SHE??????
From Honey & Baby

Kolchak Puggle said...

Bravo 'Vie! I have been *trying* to work up the courage to tell Mom just what I think of her stench, ahem, I mean "pleasant" odor. At least ripe is *kind of* halfway polite. You know what Mama tells me? She says I smell like a FOOT. A *human* foot! How rue is that?!

Oskar said...

Excellent post! They never think of the torture we have to endure when they give us a bath!

Nubbin wiggles,
Oskar