Saturday, February 27, 2010

JD's rant

So. I lost a bet and that means I have to let JD vent his kvetches.
The bet itself is not important, suffice it to say that you should never rely on the predictability of certain humans because... their unpredictability is the only predictable part of their behavior. [Momma, you really need to look up "routine"- who in their right mind would consider making chicken stock in the middle of the night, routine? ]

Anyway, here I am relinquishing my blog, for this post to "his-self" JD.

Hi everyone. I am sure by now you know who am. I am JD. [Juris Doctor- not Jack Daniels, momma quit lying about that- it is not funny].
I was here long before the girls got here. I was and am momma's favorite boy. Momma is my one. I am responsible for her and I never leave her sight. It is a job keeping her within my line of sight. She is up, down, all over the place and she is always doing something. While I dearly love my job, there are times that it becomes very difficult. My rant has to do with the opportunistic nature of the two girls and their brash, calculated and unfair take over. Let me elaborate.
Like I said I am momma's shadow. I spend 99.99% of my day within a blink of momma. I am tireless in that task. On the rare occasions that she sits down I should be the one and the only one to benefit from her idle hands. After all, I spent all day following her! And I do mean all day. Unlike some other dogs who frolic all day long and do as they please.
Anyway. The one activity that makes my job hard is momma' s manicure. She paints her nails. Have you smelled that stuff??? GAG. I mean it's horrid. So, on those occasions I keep a relatively safe distance.... say... 15-20 feet away. One, it stinks, two the stuff needs to dry and momma says so... Well, a new pattern has emerged which really frosts my collar. The girls, whose noses are apparently immune to nail polish stench, move into position, within feet of momma, as soon as they see the nail stuff come out. How they know when the stuff is dry escapes me. But what does not escape me is the fact that as soon as momma's nails are dry, the girls are conveniently there, literally on top of her, getting belly rubs. MY belly rubs. I ask you, how fair is that? I think seniority should count for something. I think my job duties should have commensurate perks. I think the girls need to back off and let me get my belly rubs first. What do you think? Thank you for listening , please do chime in.

hmmmm all I hear is blah blah blah...

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