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Friday, November 18, 2011

FOR SALE: Europa Style Ice - a First Offering!



europa style ice, now for sale!**
**mug not included, ice will be shipped in a ziplock bag.
What is Europa style ice?

Well, watch this:




NOW FOR SALE, A FIRST! For the first 100 lucky buyers, a limited sale! EUROPA STYLE ICE CHIPS! BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MAGIC OF FREEZER AND THE GOOD FOLKS AT ONE IS BORN EVERY MINUTE. WHAT IS THAT YOU ASK? IT IS ICE! EUROPA STYLE ICE, JUST LIKE THE STUFF BURIED UNDER TONS OF ICE AND DIRT ON THE FARAWAY PLACE.

HOW IS THIS ICE DIFFERENT FROM YOUR OWN ICE IN YOUR OWN FREEZER? GOOD QUESTION!
ONE. IT IS FROM MY FREEZER, NOT YOURS.
TWO. IT IS MADE WITH HYPER-FILTERED WATER. [THIS IS QUITE TRUE]
THREE. YOUR ICE IS CUBED. THIS IS IRREGULARLY SHAPED ICE PARTICLES MUCH LIKE THE ICE UNDER EUROPA.
FOUR. ANY AND ALL PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF OUR EUROPA STYLE ICE WILL BE DONATED FULLY TO RESCUE. IT'S A WIN WIN!!!!
FOUR IT IS ORGANIC.
FIVE. IT IS CLEAN.
SIX. IT IS EXCLUSIVE.
SEVEN IT IS REFRESHING.
EIGHT. IT IS DELICIOUS.
NINE. IT IS COMPLETELY CALORIES FREE.
TEN, ONLY A FEW HAVE HAD ACCESS TO THIS ICE, UNTIL NOW!

PLEASE NOTE, WHILE WE WILL HAPPILY SHIP OUR EUROPA STYLE ICE ANYWHERE, WE DO NOT GUARANTEE THAT IT WILL ARRIVE IN THE SAME FORM AS IT MIGHT MELT, VAPORIZE OR LEAK AND BUYER FULLY AGREES TO ACCEPT THE SAME IN WHATEVER FORM IT ARRIVES.

THE COST?  A MEASLY 9.99 PLUS SHIPPING!

NO REFUNDS, NO GIVE BACKS, NO GIMMES. ALL IT'S FAIR IN BUSINESS AND WAR. FOR PROFITS' SAKE AMEN. IN STUPIDITY WE TRUST. AND WE BEAT OUT EVERYONE else on THIS IDEA!!!!

Go me go me, go me...

'VIE [my neurons are on fire today! what was in that coffee?  Ahh made with Eurpora style melted ice!!! And I look younger too!- this is what you call a testimonial... from VG in Chesapeake VA!!!!]

3 comments:

Kolchak Puggle said...

Personally, I prefer ice made from a dwindling natural resouce. Kol's Canadian Ice is made from water drained off the majestic Canadian Ice Cap, twice filter for maximum health and frozen into pleasing dog bone shapes! Since the ice cap could melt away at any time Kol's Canadian is is a limited time, special edition offer. Get your price of Canadian heritage for just 4 easy payments of $19.99!

silvieon4 said...

Mighty spensive interloping. The Canadian Ice Cap is a protected natural resource ( or it should be) and who really wants to contribute to it's demise? Nahhh, better stick to cheaper Europa style ice, produced from water from the many aquifers under Virginia. These aquifers are a self renewing source and we can custom shape the ice to your requirements. From naughty to nice we have molds to delight. And did I mention the seasonal specials? Yes, we can bundle tea with your Europa style ice, for that perfect
cup of tea, or hot cocoa or even chicken stock. Just ask and we will make it happen, WITHOUT DEPLETING THE MAJESTIC CANADIAN CAP!

bichonpawz said...

We totally enjoyed your advertisement, but we like our water and our ice ... right out of our refrigerated filter!! xoxo Chloe and LadyBug