Friday, November 30, 2012

Kol, the Santa myth and Hanukkah Harry

Dearest Koly.

I just read your post. SANTA BLOWS. What you see above is my AHA FACE. I so, so agree with you! Santa does blow!

I just cannot trust the dude. I have well documented SANTAPHOBIA.

My dogness, I have tried and tried and tried to buy into that whole PR driven drivel. But I can't.

How is a rational intelligent four legged supposed to buy into that drivel? Anyone comes down my chimneys I will be making two phone calls.  One to the gas company... we have gas fireplaces, one to the police. And not in that order either. And there will be barking, lots and lots of it.  Intruder alert barking.

I don't buy any of it. And I have smelled a couple of "Santas".  Yes, there are many... Nothing you want to take home, I assure you.

Kol, have you heard of Hanukkah Harry? We get secret visits from that dude. Never seen him. I do get packages left at the front door by him.  He apparently works with Amazon. Cool no?  No B&E, no criminal trespass, no need to have children sit on his lap... Harry seems to be a much more tolerable dude.

I am down with Harry.  And I hear he dresses in white and blue. I am envisioning a sedate, GQ pinstripe suit
with a crisp white french cuffed shirt with monogram with a silk Oxford knot tie, matching pocket square and fab fab wing tips. A pop of color in the sox.

I also think my Harry has salt and pepper hair and maybe a beard. He is not overweight! My Harry works out and he drives a Zonda. We all know how I feel about that car.

As far as the indoor tree... mhhh, I looked. We have none. We have lots of indoor plants. We keep them so momma can have something to obsess besides us. I say... any tree is fair game!  Does it come with squirrels?

JD says to tell you that if you mark one of those blinking blow ups, chances are they will flash out and go dark. Eventually they are removed. He is not admitting to anything mind you.  Any past occurrence that describes that scenario is purely coincidental and "fictitious" and should come under the "Caca happens" clause. Never saw a fat snowman puddle that fast ...

Kol, if you find conditions in Candada [yes it is too spelled that way] too much, please consider coming here.
I do have to warn you about the spinning  dreidels, latkes [they are delish], and real and fake candles.

But other than that, things are cool.
Also we have frost, NO SNOW.


1 comment:

Marshmallow said...

I completely agree with both of you; Santa is scary. Think about it. He comes down the chimney. That's going to make him all dirty and mama is NOT going to be happy about his tracking soot throughout the house. And he's fat. How does he even fit? So he breaks into your house, eats your cookies (paws off my cookies, pal!), and then leaves. How is this even legal? And that booming "ho, ho, ho" voice? Scary. And who wears head to toe red? Tacky. There was a santa at Pet Smart yesterday. I'm just glad mama didn't try to make me sit on his lap. I say go away! I would get behind Hanukkah Harry, though. He sounds much more dignified. And latkes are yummy!