Friday, September 19, 2014

Once and for all: she LIES!!!!!

If you see us out shopping, please spare yourself.

I am going to let you in on a little secret.... momma.... LIES!

Don't look shocked. There is not one grain of truth when she utters any of the following phrases:

1. "Aisle 4, they are on sale today"

2. "Three for a dollar!"

3. "No, they are NOT real, they are part of the new Disney line - you know "They are the Flufflicious".

4. " I am returning them, they leak!"

5. "I birthed them". Do not pursue this line. She will offer to show you her C section scar...she has NO SHAME.  She will do it! Just nod and walk away.  She actually believes this lie.

6. "Oh it's easy to keep them clean! They are machine washable. The hard part is putting them in the dryer"

7.  "Oh I trust you, it's them I don't trust" [she does NOT TRUST YOU - I swear]

8.  "No, they don't like treats"

9. "JD is the alpha dog"[I can't even dictate this without laughing to the point of tears]

10. "They have selective hearing".... ehmmm hello pot... this is kettle.....


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