I've decided to stop sitting on my paws and start exploring my options. Should this occur again, I want momma to know I am contemplating some other options.
I will not simply live without a momma, ya know? So, in light of my abandonment, I'm considering replacement options. Yes, you read that right. I've complied a list of candidates and I would really appreciate your input.
Potential momma #1: Martha Stewart
- Pros: Cooks like momma, keeps a very clean house, designs pillows for me to chew on
- Cons: Ex-con, probably too busy to rub the bells very much, will get mad if I chew on her pillows.
- Pros: won't notice if I chew on her pillows, will always compliment my outfits
- Cons: possibly on drugs, will make me wear outfits
- Pros: really good fetch-throwing arm, bigger house, private chef, close to dowi and adam
- Cons: give up all my privacy, have to share attention, have to pose for photos all the time (see how that's a con, future ex-momma?)
- Pros: 20 hands for petting (or 18?), tons of toys, getting to do interviews where I answer off-camera producers' questions
- Cons: 20 hands for bugging me, maybe not the most stable home?
- Pros: great cook like momma, fun accent, I can give dowi one of the Paula's hot sons for her birthday
- Cons: rich foods might spoil my girlish figure, I think her sons are married, will make up funny nicknames for me like, "honey-butt sugarpie". Also, tells weird stories about goats.
Auntie Robin, I am also considering you, but ... is Dude always going to be your fav????