aka Canine Respect Autonomy Privacy Protection Act
The CRAPP act.
In keeping with the paperwork reduction act, (44 U.S.C. 3501 et seq.) CRAPP will be short, simple and direct.
Canine refers to all dogs of all genders, from puppyhood to old age but specifically excludes humans who are called "dawgs" as two leggeds occasionally use said term to refer to each other because they are weird; and it shall exclude entirely female two leggeds known as "bitches". That denigrating designation has prompted our adaption of the name lollypops to refer to female canines. Hence, bitches, for purposes of CRAPP are excluded. 'Nuff said.
Autonomy shall mean:
1. independence or freedom, as of the will or one's actions: the autonomy of the individual canine;
2. the condition of being autonomous; self-government, or the right of self-government; independence.
3. autonomy shall include the right of self determination. To freedom to lick one's body parts from paws to butt, all parts in between herein being included within this definition. Freedom to do with one's body as any canine wishes to. Freedom of expression shall include freedom to scratch, to lick, to rub, to drag, to sleep, to play do with anything one wants to do with one's body including , but not limited to carrying one's tail sideways.
Freedom shall also include freedom from humanistic trappings, specifically clothing, bows, purses, hats, shoes, scarves, bling, Halloween costumes, holiday sweaters and such, zings etc. UNLESS the specific canine wishes to dress.
Freedom shall include the right to self determination. The right to sleep, eat, play, get belly rubs as any canine wishes without consideration of convenience, pleasure, need or wishes of or to humans.
Freedom shall also include freedom from crates, boxes, pens, carriers, baby gates and such.
Canines are entitled to the same respect afforded to two leggeds. Respect for our species. Any practice of humanization shall be a de facto violation of CRAPP triggering damages as delineated below.
Respect shall include respect for the life of any canine who shall no longer be subjected to puppy mills, labs, fashion shows, divorce proceedings or such.
Respect shall also include due consideration and freedom from flashes, lights, cameras cell phones and any other recording devices which are used at the whim of the two legged without any consideration whatsoever for the well being of the canine and without appropriate remuneration for use of said canine's image. Of course, any contractual obligation freely entered into by the canine to model for appropriate remuneration, shall be properly excluded from limitation under this clause. This is the pony up and pay up if you want my image clause.
Respect shall extend to the prohibition of name calling, even when said name calling carries endearing human connotation. Therefore, "sweetie" "cutie" "sugar lump of dirt" and pet names like that shall never be used to refer to a canine. Further no two legged shall "name" a canine with any denigrating name even when they think it's cute. [Carbuncles are cute to some humans...] If it rises to name calling in the human community, it shall not be deemed appropriate for a canine. [Yes, StinkyButt would be a violation for which the penalty is the right of the canine to re name the human with an equally appropriate offensive name hence StinkyButt could now start calling his human Asswipe]
We choose to fully incorporate by reference privacy as defined in the Bill of Right. Yes, the Bill of Rights. Look it up. No, not the US Constitution. There is nothing about privacy there. Yes, I am sure.
This ACT is designed to prevents someone or something from suffering harm or injury to any and all canines and it will be interpreted in the broadest sense to afford maximum protection.
OK.... that is what I have so far,I need some input on damages. What would you guys like by way of damages?
I need input. I need comments and I need to know I am on the right track....
drafting makes a dog hungry.
Mommmmmmmaaaa I need some food....