Sunday, August 21, 2011
TEN things my big sister taught me
But I must credit the Wendy for the following bits of wisdom:
1. NOT all two leggeds are the same. You must individualize rules, expectations and boundaries with each two legged. That way you can maximize your "returns". Fake crying to Uncle Phil will get you anything you want. He is what we call a "low threshold human". Fake crying to momma or Dowi will get you ... nothing. They are "high threshold humans". Pretend not to want your meal and daddy will hand feed you. Do it with momma and you will end up hungry because that woman will pick up your bowl and call it a day.
2. When in public, stick as close as possible to your two leggeds. You just can't trust strange two leggeds, specially the short kind. Once I let one of those touch me and he made me sticky and he pulled my ears! Never again!
3. If you must use the pee pad, when you are done, wrap it up. It's good manners and nobody should have to look at that. When your two leggeds see how nicely you wrapped it, they will call it a "giftie" and they won't mind cleaning it up. I know... that one I really had a hard time accepting as true, but... momma does call it a "giftie". Don't judge her, she is still my momma and I love her!
4. Always practice the art of the "thank you" dismissive lick when you are done drinking from a cup your human is holding for you. They get the message and it is polite.
5. If you are sharing a pillow with your human, make sure that you are far enough that hair flipping is not going to be an issue, or close enough that it will not matter. Otherwise you will feel like you are being periodically dusted.
6. Dowi is ok with having her kisses delivered directly on her lips. She only requires her mouth to be shut and she will patiently allow you to kiss her. Momma has issues. Something about lipstick, gloss, whatever.
7. If momma tucks a tissue in her bra... we are going for a WALK...unless she has pockets and then we are going for a walk if the tissue goes into her pocket. Do bras have pockets? They should.
8. Do not interfere with the designated belly rubbing time of a four legged or you will get growled at. Be patient, share the human. You are likely to get belly rubbed more often if the human is not stressed out by the growling and jealousy of the four leggeds.
9. Having your tush wiped is something that every four legged needs from time to time. No point in fighting it. It will be quicker and more pleasant of you just cooperate.
10. Learn to give puppy eyes. Bat , bat, bat the eyes, and fill them with that dreamy look [ just think of a mountain of chewies] it makes humans melt. For reference, use the picture in this post. The Wendy is very good at this.
See, these are wonderful tips. What works in your household?