Good morning universe, I am on my soap box. Yup. I was so anxious to deliver my message that I decided to postpone breakfast until after this ...lecture. Yes, let's call it that. Lecture.
Now, you know that one of my favorite things to do is to read. While it brings me hours of pleasure, occasionally it also brings me some pain, some embarrassment and sometimes it just makes me mad. Case in point. An insurance company has compiled and published a list of what they call "popular WACKY pet names". I read these and some left me with the same question that played like the chorus of a Justin Bieber song in my head ... all night. And that's why I am here on the soap box.
Tell me, what is the process that two legged engage in when they name a pet? Keep in mind a couple of factors: 1. this pet is supposedly becoming a member of the family.
2. That pet is stuck with that name for life.
So, and here comes the refrain... "WHY????WHY??? WHY???" would anyone name their dog "Beanfart"? I mean when you name him that, do you ever plan on taking him outside the house? And if you do, take him out, do you ever plan on calling out his name?
"WHY????WHY??? WHY???" Why would you name your small dog "Almost-A-Dog"? Are you trying to embed every feeling of inadequacy you can in the poor guy? What if your mother had named you "Small everywhere"?
Sir Seamus McPoop... Really? I am not going to list out each horrid choice. But I am going to set out some guidelines as to the thought process you should engage in when naming your beloved pet.
1. Realize that your pet's name is a reflection of YOU. When people hear your pet's name they immediately evaluate who and what you are. Soooo. Wacky is not a good image.
2. Be mature enough not to include in the name you choose for your pet any bodily functions or specific body parts. Again, how would you have coped if your mother had named you "Drippysnot"?
3. "Cuteness" should have boundaries. A name should be more than an complementary expression. "Sugartush"....crosses the cuteness boundary.
4. Look at your pet. Why did you choose that pet. Think about that and the name you give your pet should incorporate the feelings that governed your choice.
5. You should give your pet a name that they can be proud of for their entire life. Please don't saddle your pet with a name that is a one word joke from a movie, TV show and such.
6. Yes you can express intellectual creativity when naming your pet, just make sure it is not a puerile expression.
7. Finally, ask yourself, if someone named you that name, would you be happy with it?
Deep breath. Hopefully this lecture will actually have some impact. Otherwise, your pet's name migt make it on the "wacky" list and become yet another expression of bad taste that some two leggeds find funny...
My breakfast is calling me and my tummy is growling. I have spoken my peace.