Monday, February 9, 2015

Monday MAX mail! Homicidal squirrel.

Dear JD, the Wendy and Silvie, 

hope this letter finds you all in the pink and enjoying life.  Winter is most unwelcomed right now and
I try and make the most the the taste of Spring that I am afforded. I am over the mud, the coat wearing and the cold.

I am writing to you because I have a problem.  A huge problem. I need help sorting it out and I remembered that you guys give great advice. [Silvie, that eye roll thing, was on point advice, my momma falls for it every time.  Thanx]

So, here is my dilemma. Rats with a tail, aka squirrels. I think there is a murdering squirrel in my building and I think his intended victim is my momma the Dowi. Seriously. 

You know that my momma has a deadly tree nut allergy.  We are talking code blue here. I know that when we visit, your momma cleanses the house of any nut product.  And in our apartment [ohh I love saying that OUR apartment!  Hey I have a forever home!!!!] we have nothing even remotely "nutty".
Stop that smirk. My behavior around stuffies is NOT nutty!

Anyway. We had a taste of spring on Saturday. So, we decided to go sit on out balcony and bask in the sun.  You know, I have my own chair on the balcony.  And I even get to have meals and snacks there. We call it dining al fresco. [I think that Italian dude  Al Fresco was kewl]. You see from this picture I was enjoying myself.


Until my Dowi came out. Then at a glance, I realized that on Dowi's chair there was a death trap! A live bomb!  A DEADLY HORROR left on my momma's chair! A pecan!!!!!!

While at first I did not see it, when I became aware if it, my heart dropped!

LOOK!!!!!! A pecan half.
A tree nut!!!!!!!

Nobody has access to our balcony...except for that rabid little bastard squirrel. I see him from my windows [MY windows, ohh I love saying that!] I bark to alert my momma, and she tells me to use my indoor voice! Really!!!!????

Maybe now, my Dowi will understand that she needs to let me out on the balcony to protect her!

And here is my dilemma.  Clearly, this squirrel is trying to kill my momma. This single deadly pecan is a brazen declaration of intent I cannot afford to ignore. 

My Dowi had to wear gloves to remove the deadly nut.  And the chair had to be "treated". This all cut into my "al fresco" time with my Dowi... not to mention how things could have gone horribly wrong. I mean... I am not equipped to give CPR... This is really serious,

And that is what I need help with. 
1. how do I get rid of the miserable homicidal rat with a tail?
2. How do I protect the Dowi from NUTS?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Can you post this and see if any of your readers can help?

Worried, but ready to fight, 


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