Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Leaf it alone!

Let's chat. Ever notice how the futility of certain activities escapes 2leggeds?

We went out in the backyard today, when we came back indoors, we brought in a few leaves which had attached to us. Considering it is fall and considering that old oak has tons of leaves, a leaf covered deck is normal. Dragging in a few leaves should be expected. But in my house those three or four or five leaves touched off a whole chain of events that have left me scratching my head. Let me chronicle the domino effect for you.

Momma saw the leaves. She was clearly annoyed and immediately vacuumed the floor. It would have ended there, but noooooo. Momma looked out on the deck and saw the piles of leaves from old oakie. Her eyebrows became weird. Her nostrils flared. Without a single word, she turned on her heels and went upstairs. She disappeared into her closet and five minutes later a strange incarnation of momma emerged. At first we thought that she was in costume. That would have been the reasonable explanation. Otherwise how could you justify the get up? The whole ensemble was a convoluted counter fashion statement. Sweat pants that looked like mom jeans tucked into sox...plastic garden clogs... One of daddy's old shirts...missing a few buttons, sleeves rolled a zillion times, hair pulled back... For the love of Rachel Zoe, woman, whyyyyyy?

Without hesitation she went downstairs, fumbled in the patio, and completed her get up with ugly orange gloves and some sort of hat. At this point I suddenly realized that she was headed for the back yard! OMD! I tried to stop her. I literally threw myself in front of her. Seriously! The backyard is public space. Somebody might see her! In the name of Tim Gunn, please stop! I let you compromise many snuggles so you could read your fashion magazine and now this?

I would have taken her picture, but 1. I have no insurance on that lens and 2. I don't think my camera has a travesty setting. Did I forget to mention the goggles? Apparently she thought that was the perfect accessory...oh well...

Nothing and no one could have stopped momma. When she is on a mission, her eyebrows become angry and she develops tunnel vision. She headed out to the deck armed with the loud blower thing and within second we knew that she was not stopping until the deck was leaf free. She pointed her weapon and was not deterred. Not even when she got splashed by the rainwater which filled a flower pot. Not even when shmutz got all over her. Normal momma would have been running for anti bacterial soap...

Almost two hours later, a tired, sweaty, dirty momma was done. Not one leaf on the deck. She headed upstairs, stripped, put the shameful ensemble in the washer ( too bad it's a front loader and it locks once the wash cycle starts... Else I would have relocated that outfit to the waste basket...) momma took a bath and in that ritual "cleansing" my momma returned.

She finally smelled pretty, looked normal, hair in place... She headed downstairs to work on dinner. We all settled down... Sort of... JD pulled me over and showed me the deck...the now leaf covered deck... Yes leaf covered... Folks it is FALL... Right there and then we swore each other to secrecy because let's face it, nobody wanted round two of hobo momma... We kept her away from the french doors.

She stayed blissfully ignorant and content in her delusion of control!

Wonder how long that delusion will last.


rocky-dog said...

Hey 'vie, I suspect it will last until at least the first snowfall! Thank DOG my mama isn't ocd in that direction -- actually she tends to ignore all things leafy outdoors. Unfortunately, grass clippings are HER thing! This is the time of the year when grass clipping hitch a ride home on my four delicate paws from our park walkies. You would think these tiny tiny grass clippings were a harbinger of biologic devastation. Mama actually dunks me in the kitchen sink (as we don't have a utility sink -- she keeps complaining about that too) for a foot bath. Then out to my grooming table for a quick 4-paw brush out and drying.

At least you don't have to get bathed each time your mama does the leaf thing!


oh yeah, they have a driver for me but not a wrangler yet. mama has everyone at work picking me up so I get used to being picked up by different people. and I have to endure the humiliation of being called Queenie!

Rocky -- who is all unadulterated MALE (well okay I have been neutered)

Anonymous said...

It's one more thing that gives us the illusion of control, Silvie. We cut the grass: it grows back. We rake the leaves: they blow back. We weed the garden: the weeds grow again. But for a few minutes, a few glorious minutes, it's all perfect, and we can bask in that moment without thinking of the future.

You know. Kind of like the way a dog feels all the time.
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dog beds and more

silvieon4 said...

Rocky you are as manly as any male can be. You are an ACTOR and this is a role, now... while they are picking you up, work them. Who knows what the chewie payoff can be!