Monday, June 23, 2014

When enough is enough!

I need to air out some dirty laundry. Yuh, it is time.

Remember how momma went on and on about the Temple of Yumminess- The Excalibur dehydrator, being "for us". Her babies. Meaning moi, JD and Wendy.  For our SAFE food and treats. She lied. Flat out lied. She had a secret agenda.

Yes, daddy is good, he uses it to make our turkey jerky and we love him for that. But behind his back, when he is not here, that momma is doing unspeakable things in OUR Temple of Yumminess.

This morning she made the house smell like Chicken named after a country day {Thanksgiving}... and there was no TURKEY! Just the smells of it. She said she was drying some sage and thyme and rosemary and oregano and green stuff like that... Talk about unfair. My mouth was all watered up for nothing.

Then she went that one step too far. She used our Temple of Yumminess to make poison. RAISINS. UGH. Who is going to eat those ugly toxic shrivels? NOT US.

 I tell you she just about has rubbed my last nerve raw with this kind of abuse. If it weren't for my new gel mat which is wonderfully comfy, I would not be keeping my cool. I would be way hot under my collar.

And those siblings of mine? Nothing.  They are oblivious to it all. Lost in their own little dramas.  The Wendy is stalking JD who is working on his breakfast chewie.  He is a very slow, deliberate eater.  She is a woffer.
Her nickname is "Hoover".

Well I am not that easy.  Clearly, I have to do the thinking and negotiating and policing for all of us.

It is the burden and responsibility I bear for having been born beautiful and smart. Sigh. No. False modesty is a wasted emotion and I have no time to waste. Don't ask me to fake it.

If momma wants to continue to "borrow" equipment intended for us, I can offer her some simple compromise and a way to redemption. If she is willing to work with me that is. I can let  all this go... say... for a guaranteed 6 extra chewies per week, per dog.

Ohhh vicious woman. I am not looking to win the pot bellied dog competition! OK, how about negotiating for something we both like, say.... extra weekly trip to my fav store and one new something to be named when I find it? How can I possibly "cap" the cost of something I have not yet found! She is so unreasonable.

Wait, I have the perfect thing. You know how much we love going to Oyster Point?  How about each time you use the Temple of Yumminess for a profane use, you agree to

1. CLEAN IT SPOTLESS [ I don;t want second hand poison from raisins]
2. You take us to Oyster Point for a full  walk around the laguna  and we get to determine the pace.
3. And how about you get us some yogurt for treat before coming home?

Deal?  It is my bestest offer or I go public and tell daddy what really goes on when he is not here.

I am not a terrier!  What is this not negotiating with terriorists stuff??? I am a Bichon!  Look at me!  Really look at me:

Don't make me call Auntie Robin! I am so angry right now!  Hoooooooomans!


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