Thursday, December 20, 2012

Does crime pay?

Try living my life... It is NOT easy!
Smell this and just ignore it... if you can...

She- the momma has been on a bender. You know, her kind of bender.
It involves sugar, butter , flour, fiori di Sicilia, vanilla... and sprinkles and other stuff that smells up the house. For every recipe she can't make because she packed the thing she needed... two more recipes show up. It is torture. Pure, simple, maddening torture.
All this while I am on a D I E T! 

She did allow me to have a 2 inch piece of home made breadstick two days ago... so I really believed that breadsticks were on my diet.  I swear I did.  Anyway that is why I sort of... broke into, tore open... ripped apart... burglarized   helped myself, quite innocently to a package of cheap breadsticks I found in daddy's car.  He was gone... a long long time... like five minutes even!

The way they acted after discovering my innocent attempt at survival of this starvation.... [ I ate grean beans I am so hungry!] you would think I stole the crown jewels of England. _ Hm. Where are those kept anyway?  No, no, I mean where in England, precisely? I love me a good tiara. It is so me.

Back to this sad tale...

So, momma whipped out her camera and felt the need to go full forensics on it.  Yes, she wants to be CSI, but really she is more Monk.... Or Monkette.... Notice her OCD nature.... every angle is covered.  Like for what? I admitted I ate some breadsticks... ok, most of one half of one package. The Wendy helped!  Why didn't you check her for crumb evidence?  I got basically dusted for it!
And they were cheap, nothing breadsticks!  Really!  Not that good. Quite crisp and light  I ate them out of hunger.. at first. Gluttony is a type of  hunger right?

You know.... I would have never done this had I known that breadsticks are NOT on my diet and that my hoomans don't love me enough to share their stash. [daddy has a car full of stash]

And, if you were NOT starving me and walking me to death I would NOT have turned to a life of crime.
Sigh.  I feel sooooo... alone... sooo mistunderstood.

You set me up. First with the smells all over the house... then you torture me with the diet... than you sandbag  me by providing me with the motive, opportunity and means... and then you chastise me and make me out to be a piggy!

Woeee is me. I feel so depressed. Adam, come home, I need you. [My big brother will deal with you people... while he hold me and snuggles me, because HE LOVES ME! All of me]
Dowi- No lectures coming from you.  I have had enough. 

Some soul parole me or profiterole me... either is good with me...

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Hmm, so Silvie, why does your mama have you on the DIET anyway?? Your fluffitude is amazing as always? My mama has been walking my tush off everyday -- she says SHE needs the exercise, but I wonder. How horrible to have all of those good smell and not be able to participate fully, you know, by sampling, and noshing -- that kind of stuff. Mama has made some things too that she won't let me even sniff -- she says they have chocolate so I guess that's okay. But I think mama has been looking for special things to make -- she seems to be stuck to the computer lately. I did get some of my favorite chicken chewies from my friend Ken at work -- mama said they were for Christmas but let me have one this morning. My rations have been cut back too. I'm hungry enough that I eat EVERYTHING mama puts on my dish now.

Have a very happy Christmas - Rocky