Saturday, May 24, 2008

Toys RULE!

I love toys. Man, they are the coolest things ever. You get to PLAY with them.

If I had my way, I'd live in a house built of toys. and liver. Toys and liver. Yeah. But I wouldn't let the toys eat the liver. Nope, that's all for me. Yum.

WHAT IS A TOY? It's anything I want to play with. I like the soft stuffed ones you can chew open. I love to see the human's reaction to a destuffing! Their eyes get big, they get red in the face, they get frantic looking for pieces... really! It's so funny! They even make noises.

If you ever feel neglected by your human, this is a surefire way to correct the situation. Do not underestimate the drama you can whip up by simply "playing with" one of those softies. Noses, eyes, tails, ears, tongues.... chew them off. Hide the loose bits and pieces and let the human treasure hunt begin!. Your rest period starts when they stop their routine to treasure hunt. They are obsessed; they can't stop until all pieces are accounted for. God forbid a piece is missing - they'll follow you around for days!
Hard toys are fun too. They have buttons and the humans are ALWAYS looking for them. Phone charges, tissue boxes, any part of a car, remote controls.... FUN-NESS! Did you know that if you chew off the cap from a bottle of Aquafina you get wet? Almost like a bath. That'll be a different post...

Some toys just happen. You know what I am talking about; the cap off of any spray can, the corners on the pillows on the couches, those yummy velcro ties ... scrunchies, fringes on rugs, tissues, toilet paper, Clinton's book [that hard cover was simply divine] the big fat markers that make the humans jump...

WHY PLAY??? I play, therefore I am. What other reason do you need? Now the real why to be asked is why do humans get so bent out of shape when you play with the toy they give you? I mean if it is mine to play with, why are you bothered by the fact that I have chewed off the face? You want me to not enjoy my toy? Humans are strange.

WHEN IS PLAYTIME??? Anytime. Has your human ever woken up at 3 am to question why you are playing???? DUHHHHHHHH above comments apply.

BUT HOW??? Anyway it pleases me. Just live with it ok? Micromanage much? Go get yourself a life or do I have to disassemble something to give you a new treasure hunt? I would appreciate any advice on this. Sometimes, my human staff is just too overbearing.

Everywhere. Humans have this weird thing about spaces. A space for this and a space for that. I have boxes for my toys, but I don't like to keep them there. I like to play "drop the toy." Here is how it works: 1) Go upstairs. 2) Take your toys one at the time out of the box and drop them down the stairs (don't stop until the entire toy box has been emptied and the bottom of the stairs looks like a carpet of toys). 3) Step back and watch. 4) Oh yeah. Put on your cute face, do the eye bit and if you can do the rest the chin on your paw trick do it! Ahhh the conflict you can witness. The human wants to yell, wants to hit something, but you are there tired and ohhh sooo cute, ahh the drama. Simple. Elegant. Fun. Offer up the belly.

Snuggle... Feel your power!

Ces't la vie,

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