Monday, March 19, 2012
The unboring weekend LEPRECHAUN SAFARI 2012
So, that last post had momma red in the face, OK, truth is the woman never gets red in the face. She gets a little pinker, but that's it, but she was embarrassed.Boredom is awful. Even bacteria dies of boredom. [Momma says that all the time. She says she is quoting one of her surgeons. I always envision tiny bacteria with little suction cups on their faces and kind of ugly looking at each other saying "Angie, I am dying of boredom here same -o- same -o- "and then I envision Angie dropping dead as she falls backwards."Back to the momma. I guess she realized that this packing thing has been using up all her time. After she calmed down a bit she looked at the calendar and decided to re do the weekend schedule. Yes, the woman is all about schedules. She is most comfortable when her time is plotted. Spontaneity is a concept that is completely foreign to momma. She defines spontaneity as a failure to plan. And obviously when you fail to plan... you are planning to fail. So grizzly with me. Fine, don't grizzly, plain bear with me. [Try thinking out of the box, ok? It makes life more interesting, trust me on this.] Back to the point of this story.
Sooooo, momma stared at her Gurgle calendar and suddenly she came up with a "concept". She had us line up, told us to sit in attention and she did a mini presentation of her newly hatched weekend. She called it "leprechaun safari weekend". Why are your eyebrows doing that? You look like Burt from Ernie and Burt. Momma is very much a child of the world so you should always expect a convergence of cultures and divergence of expectations. Let's just say she has a bigger crayon box. She rarely zigs, she zags. Leprechaun safari is like a treasure hunt. The treasure is the leprechaun. And unlike that Trump Junior soulless animal killer, momma's idea of a safari involves cameras not guns.
Noooo we don't want to capture , kill, cook or eat the leprechaun. EWW! What would it taste like? Like green lamb? Or like rainbow meat? I am not down with that. Besides, momma had a fab dinner idea for her leprechaun safari weekend. Corned beef. Mhhh I love the stuff. Even though our Irish friends in Ireland do pork and cabbage, here in the States, tradition dictates corned beef. Did I mention I love corned beef? I like pork, but I LOVE corned beef. Once corned beef came into play, I was down with the whole leprechaun safari.
Like all good safaris start, we had to define our "environ". That means our geographical area. The choice is a complicated one which involves multiple criteria. Size of area, ease of access, likelihood that a leprechaun would be there, distance from home,etc. Our primary object is obtaining a picture of the little creature. There are a bizzilion drawings of leprechauns, but no real pictures. So in effect we are on a "puparazzi" mission, and, if by chance that supposed pot of gold the leprechaun has falls out of the little guy we are to take it and run as fast as we can to White Dog Cottage so we can spend all that gold on a new bigger facility for Tidewater Bichon Frise Rescue. Really, we need it, because there are so many Bichons on the waiting list to get into rescue. But momma told us that it would be a super long shot. Apparently the little dude has some sort of serious attachment to it. Personally I called dibs on the rainbow. How cool would it be to pull that sucker out at parties and disco under it? I know, way cool!
Anywho. Our environ was defined as the mall. Obviously. Everybody shops, even leprechauns! And our target areas specifically included a number of stops that held some interest for us. Ie. The pet toy store, Uncle Phil's store, the craft store, the shoe store, the place with the live sushi, that place with the smoked tea duck [I did not know momma even knew that place...that's where daddy secretly buys us tea duck... we all acted like it was all new. We almost pulled it off until the guy behind the counter came up to us and called us by name and asked us if we wanted a nosh of duck... ] What can I say, she has eyes in the back of her head and antennas, even though I have tried many times to find them and I have never seen them. They must be built ins, momma just knows things.
The camera was always with us. We looked for the leprechaun. We looked high and we looked low. The closest we got turned out to be some little carrot top two legged whose cruel momma dressed him in green. Both the Wendy and I were horrified and we both said "abuse". Do they have a rescue for two leggeds?
We located multiple displays with drawings of leprechauns. We located all sorts of green and orange stuff pertaining to leprechauns. An over abundance of cheap green hats and weird t shirts with saying like "Kiss me I am Irish". ???? ehhh NOOOO. I don't kiss strangers. I have no idea where your face has been. Ew.
At the end of day one, Saturday, we were wiped out and happily headed home where the oven had quietly cooked the corned beef to perfection. A most welcoming smell ... mhhh corned beef.
After a delish din din, we turned in early because, we knew that Sunday would be a very busy leprechaun safari day.
Sunday we took our search oceanside. Obviously outdoors. We had heard about a parade or something and figured the dude would put in an appearance. I am sad to say, that while we saw plenty of weird two leggeds with various body parts painted green and orange, there was not one sighting of the leprechaun.
All and all we had a great time oceanside. On the way home, tired, and sunburned [momma got a tinge of pink on her face] we debriefed. Gross. I don't even wear underwear. Why would you snicker at debriefing? You really need to clean up that mind of yours.
A couple of conclusions were reached. Our mission was not a failure. Given the fact that it was conceived and planned so quickly, it was a relative success. Yes, we failed to snap the picture that was our goal. BUT, now we know that this is a bigger task than we anticipated. This dude is more elusive than Howard Hughes post desert years.
We need to take this search nationally. We need to enlist dogs like Kol and Tank and Lily and Foley and Tucker and Rocky and Kip and Benny and Chloe and LadyBug and all of our buds out there. We need to go BIG. Enlarge our "environ". Leave no rock unturned, no stick unsticked... We need to get serious. So, we have a year to plan LEPRECHAUN SAFARI 2013! Are you on board? Obviously we will have to set up committees and do this right.
'vie sitting at headquarters cogitating strategy. Ok really I am wondering if there is any corned beef left over....