Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Time for "ketchup" and reality check.

Let me "ketchup" you.

The momma has been broken and in a fix mode. I tried rebooting her many many times, but the result has been pretty much the same. Her hardware issue [cut finger] was aggravated by a software issue, a reaction to the needle she was stuck with at the ER and of course that started her shingling all over again!  Unhappy camper would be a very understated description of the state of her union. I mean... just imagine... the momma has new global knives and no opportunity to play with them!  She stuck her face in the flour bin and sniffed it while whining that she missed baking... Nuff said. Misery has been her companion.

That means I have been on duty 24/7.

We all knew we were in deep trouble when she wrapped herself in a blankie and did not match it to her slippers. This is when you get grateful  for no cameras... UGH

Because misery loves company, the Wendy decided to give herself a lick granuloma and plucked her paw to a state of hairless and very angry looking. So NOT attractive!  Thank dogness for Dr Reading. More needles and a cone of shame, plus one poodle paw... and she is on the mend.  I have to tell you, these days there is absolutely no question that I am the prettiest girl in this house!

But today, I would like to address a bothersome issue...  All this drama in my house has exposed one serious gap in the division of labor among us four leggeds. Time for a reality check.

I would put one paw on my hip and I would use one paw to point to a couple of lazy dogs, but paw pointing can be artfully done in the abstract.

So... for purposes of this conversation, we shall stipulate that the Wendy is hereby excluded as she has a medical "excuse".

That leaves me to face off one JD and one Cosmo.

Let's start with Cosmo. puppy boy, yea, puppy boy, 'cause you sure did not act like a dog. You went all sorts of nutsie when you saw momma squirt blood from her finger.  Just tell me... in what universe is whining and running in circles and whining and whimpering helpful in that situation? Dude! DOG UP! You could have joined me at the bottom of the steps barking the alert bark that gets daddy's attention.  Oh wait. Mr Bark Barkinson ... you have barked woof one too many times. Ehmmm, maybe you should reconsider you overall barkability score? Huh????

And after the crisis??? You think that walking on momma's "almost corpse" to get to the top of the bed was cool??? And all that to avoid me? Like I said, you need some growing up.  I was there to comfort snuggle the woman. THAT IS MY JOB. You were there out of some misguided jealousy issue. It is time you learn how to be a real member of this family.

JD. you are beginning to believe you own press. Your highness... a broken momma means you get off your high throne and make some concessions. Two dismissive licks a day are not "comforting" momma.  And choosing to go on errands run with the dad over snuggling momma... so NOT right. And Mr JD... get over your issues of dining atmosphere. Maybe you can forego the candles and linens and settle for a place-mat and dimmed lights?  Dude, I am just going to say it. You are a poor example of Bichoness for Cosmo.  Where is your hooman centric focus? You are not going to find it laying on my couchette!   I am just so ... disappointed in you.

And one more thing.  Boys, do you really think that I was attempting to engage you in some play for my own enjoyment?   Phshaaaa... I was trying to distract momma!  Pick up the clue phone!  Is this a male thing????

Well. You better not even remotely think about whining that I am momma's favorite.  I EARNED IT.

Nuff said.


No comments: