Friday, August 25, 2017

No the living AIN't easy!

It's summertime. And the song lies. The living ain't easy. It's hot and muggy and 

Big blue is the only way to go! And that solar fan is ehhh ok. I would like it better if it was a whole air conditioning unit with massive blowers. But then, I like it chilly. I am wearing my fluff you know.
The trick to survival is the ice cold water that daddy brings, and getting
some raspberry ices or frozen watermelon cubes or frozen blueberries!

The gel mats work well, but crazy Cos Cos, aka Cosmo, does not understand that you should lay down on the gel mat. He calls them paw freezers. Duh... try laying on them, they are so cooling. But no crazy Cos Cos must bark and jump and carry on like the fool he is until he sees a familiar face.

Apparently, momma is unfamiliar if her face is behind the camera. He is a "special" boy. 

Even in the shade it's hot.
We do make daddy cool the van and run the AC before we get in.
After all, why not use our technology to make life easier?

Do you have your hoomans all on the same temp scale? We have a hot one and a cold one at my house. Noooo, I am not going to tell which is which, but I like the hot one, because she is like me,  an AC lover. 

Did you know I have my own registers? I do! I have floor registers that are mine to lay on at any time. Love them. Personal weather zones.
I bet many hoomans wish they had one of those. 

The full length of their body.
Think about it.

I do.

It's good to be a Bichon, even when the living ain't easy.
All you need is staff. And if staff is a little neurotic, that's even better.

Oh, finally, the daddy is back. Now let's get going and drive our buggy somewhere fun! Do I smell BBQ?



Monday, August 21, 2017

Are you sure?


So, I am told that today is the day that the sun will get eclipsed. I am not even sure what that means. But I hate the idea of my sunshine being turned off even for a minute.

I am a well known sunnie. I find that perfect ray streaming in and I lay myself just so... 2/3 on the ac vent so my my curls get the right amount of wind and cool while the rest of me catches the warmth of that ray of sunshine. It is part of my daily routine.

Momma this morning after breakfast made her announcements. She has to be gone today, daddy in charge. Ho hum.  We are supposed to mind daddy and let him know when we need to go out . Ho hum. No chewing , no fighting , no marking... blah blah blah... Where is she going anyway? More instructions?! Oy , will it ever stop? I hate micro-managers, don't you? We are not to go out during the eclipse so we don't fry our eyeballs. Ho hu...??? What? Fried eye balls?

Back up woman. What are you talking about? I don't want any part of me fried, dyed or slayed to side. Who is in charge of this? I think I need to have a convo.

Ecplise. eclipse.  I heard that word before.  Something about Eclipse of the heart? A song right? Something stupid Alexa warbles.  Yes she is stupid. She will not take my Azamon orders. Yes Azamon. And she will not acknowledge my requests for BBQ rib delivery. Stupid. Limited by infancy technology. Have you heard her jokes??? UGH. Its like being with a 8 year old hooman boy.

Back to this eclipse thing. Does the sun have a heart that is being eclipsed?  Can we opt out? Is is dangerous? How long is this going to take? What if I have to tinkle during this thing? Will have have to go with my eyes closed?  I could fall in the the pool, or bump in a bush, or trip on a blade of grass! You don't know how dangerous the backyard can be! This is unacceptable.

Momma, I dont think you should go anywhere. Daddy is ok as a back up, but in times like these we need primary resources caregiver to be on deck! Has he been briefed? Is there a protocol, can we get a copy of said protocol in case daddy forgets?

Momma,  are you positively sure it's going to be ok? And it will all go back to normal quickly?  And by the by... "fried eyeballs" is never just a figure of speech.
Don't try and coddle me.

I need my I pad.  I need to research this. What a crock. What an absolute crock. turning off the sun. Is it like a puter reset? Is there an update or patch that the sun is installing?  I just need to know why.

and what time is this happening????
ahh here we go :Eclipse

Still don't like it.  Momma, gimme you heart ring. I want to hold it until you get back.  [I call this insurance]

Ya'll don't fry your eyeballs.


Thursday, August 17, 2017


What does a girl have to do to get heard around here?
I have stuff to stay and more importantly I have stuff that needs to be heard!

I need all eyes and ears on me and I have taken center stage.
Hoomans HUSH!  Pay attention!

Momma. Put your stuff down and pay attention. Stop your OCD cleaning.

Twice in the last week I have witnessed some rather disturbing behavior.
Both times, it involved the boys.
Yes, the boys. Cosmo and JD.

I preface this objection with the assertion that I am not motivated by jealousy in bringing this up, but rather from sensing an alarming trend that cannot be allowed to be continued.  Also, I cannot bear the thought that someone would interpret my silence as tacit consent. [Daddy.... hmmm]

Cosmo went garbage surfing. A grave offense in this home. To date it's one of the mortal offenses. Meaning it kills momma on so many levels that she feels like a complete failure. She questions everything. It triggers crisis of confidence on the food front, discipline front, inadequacy front... you get the drift.

I would never dare to garbage surf! EVAH! 
You have to be nuts to do it considering the aftermath.

Yet. Cosmo did it. In front of them, in plain sight, He went into the trash and stole a chicken bone. The horror! The panic! The confrontation between Cosmo and daddy!  Scary stuff. 

But scarier was the "ploy" daddy used to get the bone back.
 He offered Cosmo a huge piece of turkey jerky! What the hey?????!!!
Equity where are you? Fairness are you dead?
Daddy you are rewarding the little terrorist?

Even with the exchange offer, Cosmo had to be forcibly made to comply. And then he got half of that treat.  We, the dogs who followed the law... got nothing.

It was all so wrong that I was speechless. Daddy, you rewarded him for 
garbage surfing. I don't care what else you call it, or however you want to justify it,  I do not accept your reasoning. Maybe a punctured gut would have taught that little scofflaw not to violate house rules.

The rest of us... should have gotten a treat and he should have been without. I am just saying.

Momma. JD spitting his pills out 3 times in a row should not trigger you to go find more and more delicious yummies to pill him with.
You know how to put that pill down his throat. Just do it!

Are you both acting crazy because they are boys?  Or have both of you taken leave of your senses?

Buckle up buttercups. I expect better from both of you.

I will call you out. And shame you.


PS. JD just marked your wastebasket. He better not be getting a treat because
I will create a new lake.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Napping style

The Wendy Pooh requires her bed, a quiet corner and the mere opportunity.

I require more. I need momma, or one of my human staff to hold and pet me,
to love me  into sleep. Its not my fault. I came with the high maintenance option.

Before you freak out.   Realize the benefits of the high maintenance option.
 As you rub my belly so I can fall asleep, I lower your blood pressure. NONE of mu hoomans have high blood pressure. I take that as a personal achievement!

What's your napping style?