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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

for ME!

EXTREME CLOSE UP!!!!




ohmygoodness. Presents rule.

Not to brag or whatever, but here is what I got:

1. A stuffed squirrel. It was from momma and it smelled like chicken treats! I killed it three times already. Later, I'm going to take it outside and show the real squirrels what they're in for.

2. A pink sparkly collar. It had bells on it too... they were delicious. (Oh, and in case you're wondering, my belly does not jingle now. Sad.)

3. Guitar Hero. red-green-red-yeellllooowww. I've been melting faces all day!!!

4. A partially chewed chewy. It was from JD. Well, he didn't so much give it to me. I kind of, um, borrowed it.

5. Wendy's ear. Again, it wasn't really wrapped or anything. But she wouldn't flaunt it in my face if she didn't want it chewed, right?

6. The squirty thing that momma got that makes foam out of yummy things... FOR ME.

7. The possum that only lives when a 2 legged sticks their hand inside it. Weird toy, but it makes my biting human fingers "kosher and legal" and aha.... accidental... aha, sooooooo yummmm

8. A stuffed raccoon. Nice bushy tail. I have been using that tail to torment Wendy. Uhmmm Wendy has a grand tail and I might be suffering from tail envy. (My tail just looks like a poof on my butt. sigh.) That suffering is slightly mitigated when I call Wendy MS Raccoon... Yes I know, momma has told me to stop it... ok ok ok ... I will. Frumpt.

9. That tent thingie. I found a treat in there!

10. I was thrilled to see someone loved me enough to get me a sparkly paw collar bling.

11. My new sock monkey! She smells delicious and her name is Redbutt 'cause she has one.

12.This is supposed to be FOR me... but whatever.... a bottle of OH LA LA cologne. [So not for me, it would have been essence of duck poop had it been for me....] But I am still grateful!

Best part is my 2 legged family was all together! My human brother [fun to play with and an excellent place to nap], my sister [she is FUUUUUN and she doesn't even get mad when you wake her up in the middle of the night for bellyrubs], and the nonna [I finally got her trained AND she gives me bacon]. So I am content and grateful.
Anyone else get anything fun?

'vie

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Ziggy MAN


"Hi Silvie! Can you spread the word? I am handsome, sweet, and healthy. I would love to be adopted! Love, Ziggy - Tidewater Bichon Frise Rescue"

Ziggy! I have to confess... I have such a weakness for bad boys. And you, darling -- with your cool shades and AC/DC lid -- are such a cool bad boy. Ziggy you are handsome, sweet and healthy, but you are also Fine [notice the capital F], and you do know how to party and lay back. [JD, get it????? ]

Ladies please notice that gorgeous pink nose! Ohhh flutter me pink.

just a little crush,
'vie

roughing IT




So.... I got this tent as one of my gifties. It is something that is supposed to acquaint me with camping. I just dont know... what is the big woof with this camping bit. I can almost do it so long as there are a few ground rules:
1. I must have AIR conditioning and HEAT. [I could not find said controls on my tent]
2. I require a TV. I saw some decent Vizios on sale, so keep that in mind for Valentine Day as a possible gift.
3. Pillows. I must absolutely without a doubt, HAVE to have pillows. LOTS of them. This tent thingie needs more pillows!
4. Do they make big fluffy beds with 1500 count sheets that fit in this tent thingie?

Oh yes, of course... thank you momma for the tent thingie. [Was this bought after a martini lunch???]

Campire 'vie

Waiting for "the" MIDNIGHT

Scroll down to the end... A pictographic summary of an IMPATIENT 'vie...



Really??? We really have to wait?? BUMMER!

Momma why do have to wait?

What's a midnight and why do we have to wait for it???


I need to sniff them!



Which one is mine??

I am NOT moving from here!
I am on guard!

What are all these packages???

Sneaking a sniff


Start here................................

Sunday, December 21, 2008

HOLIDAY shopping

We have a list... a budget...our goals: gifts for our 2leggeds. Notice that this is an intense experience. We have to brave the crowds, we put up with the traffic, the noises, and dare I mention it?... the clothes. Yes...we wore our coats... SHUT UP. It made momma happy. And we are all happier when momma is happy!















Looking....
looking....
looking....

















Momma says she can sniff a deal. Let me try that.




That is me trying hard to sniff out a deal. Honestly , I don't know how momma does it, I sniff NOTHING, but store... filled with strange people...one is a bacon eater, I sniff him...one smokes...one has a strange smell of cat... I do not smell any deals!







Staying on task ... focus... this shopping thing is so hard! Next year it might have to be E bay for me.














After hours and hours...Mission accomplished! We are finally headed home!












Shopped out
'vie

Please Meet Vera Wang




Vera Wang is the CareALot employee I relate to the most. She is helpful, sweet, friendly and EVER present! She greets, meets, mingles and carefully oversees the goings on in the store.

Her consultations on snacks and nibbles is invaluable. While I really appreciate the fact that she is always available, I cannot help, but wonder... Do her 2leggeds appreciate her enough??? Do they pay her enough??? I figure, they must pay her a whole lot of money because I hear her name a lot! Hey, how do I get a gig like that? I have my own bed that I can bring to the store!
and... as I am just finding out, I could use some cash to get my 2 leggeds and my 4 leggeds some nice presents.

sign me a "fan" of Vera, 'vie

what AM I GETTING FROM Channukah Harry????

Mommmmmmmmmmma tellllllll meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I see bags. I see packages.... I smell things... I need to know now!

Impatient 'vie

Monday, December 15, 2008

obedience CLASS

I can’t stress enough how important it is to train your 2leggeds. If left untrained, they’ll sit on their hands while their hands should be petting you. They’ll refuse to share treats like bacon, dried chicken, and cappuccino foam. This horror can not stand.




I receive tons of emails asking for advice about 2legged training, so I figured it might be helpful if I share my latest training project. I call it, “Project Get-Nonna-to-Rub-my-Belly” or “PGNRB” for short. The title needs work, maybe? I used 3 basic steps that you can apply to any 2legged training situation.

Step 1: Figure out something the 2leggeds want you to do.
In my case, she was really into this whole “shaking hands” thing, but anything can work. Try stuff like going the bathroom outside, rolling over, paying the bills, or bringing them their slippers. Believe it or not, they don’t like it when you chew up their sheets, so don’t try that. It will not work. Trust me.

Step 2: Make the 2leggeds think it is their idea.
2leggeds are SUPER gullible (sorry momma). This is so much easier than you think. Once you shake hands (or whatever you pick) once, they’ll pour the praise on. They’ll try to get you do it each time they say a particular word. In my case the word was “zampina.” (It means “paw” in Italian. My nonna is SO clever.) Anyway, it’s important to do your “trick” whenever they say the word. Don’t worry, they’ll reward you every time.

Step 3: Do it on your terms.
Once you’ve established the word-trick-reward scheme, take things to the next level: do the trick even when they don’t say the word. For example, I don’t wait for Nonna to say “zampina”. I just trot up to her and present my paw. She rewards me with petting every time!!!

I know that, with a little effort, you can successfully train your 2legged too!

I’m the boss,
‘vie.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

ADOPTION



Well, it had to happen. That moment. Know what I'm talking about? That moment of clarity that raises your consciousness and suddenly you realize that life is changing?

It happened to me. I was kissing up my momma and playing and listening to her call me her little baby girl when it dawned on me... She has only two legs.... I have four. (Also, I love the momma and all but I have to be honest; she is not very fuzzy. She is not really fuzzy at all. And her tail? I'm not ever sure she has one!) I cannot be HER little girl.

I must be ADOPTED! OMG Adopted! .... I felt so strange, I felt like I was being detached from everything I know and love. Just when I started moping, I was dragged shopping... Holidays. Malls full of humans... Santa pictures... long lines... you get the drift. Like this is how I wanted to spend my afternoon when I'm drowning in an existential moment! Sigh.

But then, in a window in the mall I saw that ornament. The ornament with MY life drama.
I know my tail drooped. I know my ears dropped. Gulp. I know I am adopted.
I was so blue. I felt sooooo low.

Momma was so excited when she saw these ornaments.
And as my little heart was aching, momma picked me up and kissed me and told me that I was adopted. She said, "Silvie was adopted, chosen, picked out, wanted, she was and is SPECIAL.
She was NOT bought! She is not chattel [whatever that is it must be bad!] she was not trafficked! She was not puppy milled! She was ADOPTED."

WAIT. Adoption is good?
It sounds like it's good. I was picked out! Whao. Adoption is not just good, it is GREAT! I was not an impulse buy! I was not exchanged for money like a bar of soap, or a piece of furniture. I was ADOPTED!!!!
And that is good! And that is why I am also known as:


'vie
aka
Princess Puppy

and remember...


Thank you Tumbleweed pottery you speak my words.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

what I LOVE


What I love:

1. belly rubs

2. cappuccino foam

3. rolling in the grass

4. rolling in the mud

5. bacon

6. the way the car smells

7. playing with Wendy

8. chewing expensive sheets

9. waking 2leggeds up to pet me

10. human ear smell

11. chewing on people

12. chewing on chewys

13. when JD says, "harumph"
14. scratching my back on the rug upstairs

15. napping on a pile of pillows

16. napping on the momma

17. cartoons

18. the way the kitchen smells

19. brown squirrel cookies

20. chasing squirrels

21. getting emails

22. Auntie Robin and Uncle Jack and all my White Cottage buds.

23. riding in shopping carts

24. playing tug'o'war

25. licking Wendy's face

26. karaoke

27. ellie the ephalump

28. peggy piggy

29. my pink sparkly collar

30. giving nonna my "zampina" to get a full rub down

31. chicken treats

32. pasta

33. the smell of freshly washed 2leggeds

34. fishies and birdies at pet shops

35. walking in Ghent (ohhh the smells!)

36. the ocean (except when it touches me)

37. riding shotgun

38. chewing on phone charger cords

29. Missoni silks

30. dangly things on expensive purses (momma does NOT agree)

31. play dates with 4legged friends

32. play dates with 2legged friends

33. playing.

34. watching JD "hunt" ducks

35. smoked tea duck from the international store

36. sneak attacks!

37. getting my picture taken

38. my sobacawa neck pillow

39. water from a dixie cup

40. freshly grilled lamb

41. laying on a tile floor when it's hot

42. burrowing under blankets when it's cold

43. that Bentley I picked out

44. the crazy puppy dance

45. blitzing

46. looking out the window

47. ear rubs

48. when people tell me I'm pretty

49. writing this blog

50. and most of all, my family.
What do you love?
'vie

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

DOGHOUSE

Hey daddyyyyyyy, have you seen this? DOGHOUSE. Interesting, huh?

I am very confused.

We don't have a dog house! I looked and looked and looked. Not inside, not outside. We DO NOT HAVE A DOGHOUSE! (By the way this is a very funny name for a place for 2legged men. Don't you think so? DOG... house. HA HA.)

No self respecting Bichon would ever be caught in a DOG house. We own regular HOUSES with full amenities and 2legged staff. But I do see the point of a DOG house... I have a number of 2leggeds and 4leggeds I would like to place there... So, I need to find a DOGHOUSE, for my list, you know?

Tapping my paw... let me think.... the GE guy who really ticked off my momma for messing up the dishwasher... for 5 weeks? DOGHOUSE! Micheal Vick? DOGHOUSE BASEMENT for life! Mr Bush, you know why, just go quietly... That nasty nasty poodle from two streets away? DOGHOUSE! Anyone upsetting any of my 2leggeds? SHUT up and GO into the DOGHOUSE!

Hmmm maybe we should have a national doghouse! Hey great idea! Anyone in support of this? Feel free to submit names of people going into the DOGHOUSE!!! Just give us a name and a reason!

'vie
newly self appointed DOGHOUSE CZAR

Monday, December 8, 2008

unFAIR!

Hi!!! JD asked me if he could write a guest column today. I felt kinda guilty because I stole his chewy that one time... okay, I steal his chewy every time...so I said yes. JD's opinions to not represent my opinions unless I agree with them.




"Smart" Humans Spend Time and Money To State the Obvious.


In a study that I'd like to file in the "duh" category, 2leggeds have discovered that 4leggeds have a sense of fairness. The headline has overshadowed equally groundbreaking work that definitively determined the sun is hot, water is wet, and 2leggeds have to pay taxes. Frickin' genius.

2leggeds love unnecessary tests (e.g. that test the vet does, you know what I mean). This is no exception. This is how they determined if we had a sense of fairness: 4leggeds were broken up into pairs and asked repeatedly to "shake hands" with the 2 leggeds, some were given treats, some were not. 2leggeds were surprised to discover that the 4leggeds were reluctant to play their silly little game if the other 4legged was rewarded and they were not. Really? They were surprised?

(One 4legged was disqualified from the test because he wanted to herd the other "subjects." Disqualified for being helpful! Ridiculous!)

I would like to suggest an alternate test. Something like this: give a chewy to an extremely handsome male bichon, then out of nowhere, have a bratty little bitch (ahem, female dog) steal said chewy. Now that is unfair. UNFAIR!

Which brings me to the point of this post. People always ask me if I think it's unfair that Silvie has a blog and I don't. So let me put this to rest right now. I don't mind that Silvie has a blog; I even sort of enjoy reading it. She's funny. I just want my chewys back. Do you hear that Silvie??? Give 'em back! Please?

Here is the story: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28112599/ (lame).


I'll show you fair,

JD

Sunday, December 7, 2008

GIVE me.

So many of you 2leggeds have written to me asking for gift ideas for your favorite 4legged. Yay!!! Presents for ME!!!! I mean, I am your favorite, right?

I'm my favorite.

WHAT?! You know other 4leggeds? Harumph. Sigh. I guess I'll still help...

So here it is, my holiday gift guide. I'll include my sizes where appropriate to take the guesswork out of buying me stuff. You know, in case I am your favorite 4 legged (pay attention momma). Oh, and of course, don't forget my Amazon wish list!
My Amazon.com Wish List

1. TOYS!
Toys are awesomest. I suggest this squirrel toy. It lets you practice destroying those little bushy-tailed monsters. A must-have for any working dog. If your pup needs practice destroying an even more terrifying target, check out this mini Michael Vick. But I bet this toy would solve both problems.

2. STEAK!
Yummy. I saw a bunch of steaks in Mrs. Omaha's catalog. I think any 4legged would be thrilled to get this absurd deliciousness. I also tried bacon recently for the first time. WOW. YUM. Somebody buy me some BACON!!!!! (Editor's note: Silvieon2 asks that you not feed silvieon4 - or any other pooch - any of these unhealthy treats, no matter how much they whimper.) (Puppy's note: Silvieon4 thinks momma is a mean stinky-pants.)

3. A BED!
I love sleeping. I like having my belly rubbed while I sleep. Too bad my humans are so lazy. They sleep all night and don't rub my belly. HARUMPH. Make sure your best friends gets a restful night rest by getting them a great bed. This is fine:
But this I prefer something like this:
4. STYLE!
I get cold in the winter. I bet this would keep me warm (size small, please). And I just love this! (extra small) Oh, and finally, this one will def make any puppy happy (take note momma).

5. A ROBOT!
Momma says I can't have anymore technology because I chewed up my iphone. She is so mean. Why do they make technology so delicious if you aren't supposed to eat it? Maybe this bacon robot will solve the problem.


Happy Holidays!!!!
'vie

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Teaching SKILLS to 2leggeds






Sometimes you need to keep your 2 legged busy. The things I have to do to "entertain them". Like this tug of war with my Effie the ephalant. [We call it that because my daddy has a particular dislike of elephants.... something about politics and jack asses... go figure... it... humans!]

The interesting part of this whole game is that my 2leggeds are quite strong and resilient, but they lack stamina. I mean, 5-6 minutes of a good tug of war and they give up.

I am not talking out of turn here... but how 2leggeds would survive in the wild is beyond me. They seem to have such a short attention span. They seem to have no fighting skills, and they are... basically nakid.... I mean furless. So between being cold and getting bug bitten, and having no real survival skills or instincts... we are talking extinction really fast! I worry about that. I mean if they are gone, we Bichon lose our STAFF!

So, I guess forcing them to play like this, it is my way of contributing to their survival. You know, I am teaching them to focus, fight and working their bodies... You never know when this skill will come in handy!

So.. do humanity a favor. Teach them something. Play tug of war!



Doing my part for evolution
'vie
video

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Momma!!!! She is crowding me!





Sometimes, sometimes being one of three is not fun. The Wendy in particular just crowds me. If I am with the daddy, sleeping peacefully on his lap, the Wendy will decide that she wants in on the cuddle action. There is no polite nudging in. No gentle lap sharing. Oh no, the Wendy will walk over anyone or anything to get to the daddy and she will casually push you out of her way and get as close to the daddy as she can. I just think she is pushy. I know she has daddy sharing issues. She has momma sharing issues, she has issues...But I am watching her and I am learning her moves. Some day soon I will try one of her moves. It is her badonk-a-donk move. Yes that's right. Badonk-a-donk. That is what I call it. The Wendy has this way of backing her tush into a small space and pushing everyone else out. I have been practicing it... so stay tuned, I will tell you all about her reaction...Seeing me do the badonk-a-donk should shock her!
a soon to be badonk-a-donker
'vie

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