Saturday, August 30, 2008

ZE plot THICKENS


Things have been quiet at my house. The last couple of days we 4leggeds have all taken turns keeping an eye on the momma who has not been feeling too great. The daddy has been home taking care of us, and boy it has been like summer school. He is like a substitute teacher. You know you can get away with a lot more, you just don't know for sure how much more. So... you "pays your money and you takes your chances." In the end, we managed to get a few more treats, a few more walks, and a few more rides. (I think we got more rides because it was a way to give momma some quiet time.) The best part about the whole week was the fact that momma was laying down a lot so we all got to snuggle with her a lot more. Most times 2leggeds are over scheduled and way too busy for naps. :) She had no choice. I loved it. Day naps are just more fun than night time.

Still keeping an eye on the Frisbee Cat. We have managed to get some observations down so that at the least we know what to expect when he starts buzzing. Here is the deal as I see it:
1] Frisbee Cat is selfish and grubby. He eats anything that he finds - even if it belongs to the Wendy (has he not seen her TEETH?!). It seems always hungry. BUT
2] Frisbee Cat is WAY stupid. He eats things that are way to big and then beeps and stops and needs help spitting them out. AHA... bigger chewies are SAFE from Frisbee Cat, he can't handle them. I think he has a very tiny mouth... or no teeth... pathetic!
3] He wakes up at about the same time every day, but then goes back to sleep and ignores everything... he just sits in his "thing" and blinks his light. (Someone remind me to ask momma for my own blinky light!) I did try to bite it (it was a little nip, OK?) and he just beeped once and didn't move. What a coward. I guess he only chases food, not 4leggeds.
4] I am not really sure what the deal is, but 2leggeds do respond when he beeps and they do remove things from him. They kind of turn him on his back?? Looks nasty. I did not want any part of it. Momma better not try to remove anything from me when she rubs my belly.

Ultimately, JD, Wendy, and I have reevaluated the worthiness of this enemy. He lacks panache. He lacks excitement and he is ... dare I say it... Predictable. Boring. And as Heidi Klum would say... predictable and boring is OUT.

But. strategically, using Frisbee Cat to antagonize squirrel and turning squirrel onto Frisbee Cat.. is BRILLIANT. Don't you think so? I must give credit to JD for the "note." And I must give Wendy props for the sound effects. Squirrel seems to have "bought it" hook, line, and sinker. Now, we just have to make sure that Frisbee Cat accidentally gets let out on the patio. That proximity would easily heighten squirrel's sense of danger.

Ahh the joys of plotting and planning.

Just call me Machiavelli
'vie

Thursday, August 28, 2008

An open letter to the squirrel community




Dear Squirrels,

I don't want to fight anymore. It's exhausting and I have a new enemy who is more evil than you can imagine. I think it's a cat, because I said, "Hey what are you?" and it did whatever it felt like doing and ignored me. It made a lot of noise and all it does all day is eat and sleep, so I'm pretty sure it's a cat. But it's flat. I think it's a frisbee cat.

Well, Mr. and Ms. Squirrel, if you think this is the worst of it, hold on to your chewys (or whatever you tree rats chew on if not chewys). This thing eats a lot more than you or me. It goes over every inch of the floor and eats up all the little pieces of food I was saving for later. I said, "HEY! I'M GONNA EAT THAT YOU FRISBEE CAT!" But it just kept purring and eating my food. It's only a matter of time before it learns to climb trees...

I didn't want to have to show you this, but if you're on the fence (figuratively, not literally like you macadamia moles like to do), it dropped this note:


If you can't tell, that's a very very well-drawn picture of you crossed out, and the instructions that it wants to kill and eat you. That's what the frisbee cat wrote, not me. You can tell I didn't write that because I can spell squirrel, and also I don't have a red marker anymore since the frisbee cat took it. So I definitely didn't write it, it was the frisbee cat.

I hope you make the right decision and form a truce, but if not, can I have the grapes after you're frisbee food?

olive branches don't taste anything like olives,
'vie

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

HEY America, wake up!

Dear America,

I need a favor.

I need you to stop going to mall pet stores. I know it's tempting, but it makes the problem worse. Puppy mills are cruel and horrible.

Also, I'll give you a chewy if you vote for politicians that want to end the horror! One of my personal chewies. Awesome, right? (Disclaimer: I reserve the right to prechew said chewy) I'm going to put together a voting guide -- so watch for it!

http://news.aol.com/article/hundreds-of-dogs-saved-from-puppy-mill/148500

This guy sounds smart. Listen to him!

We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat
the animals. Animals suffer as much as we do. True humanity does not allow us to
impose such sufferings on them. It is our duty to make the whole world recognize
it. Until we extend our circle of compassion to all living things, humanity will
not find peace. ~Albert Schweitzer, The Philosophy of Civilization



changin' the world,
'vie

Boardwalk OBSERVATIONS



Did you ever find yourself staring at something and asking yourself why that item exists? Or better yet you ask yourself why someone even decided it was a necessity and bought it? No, momma, you are safe I will not be talking about your kitchen gear. (I am not stupid, my food comes from that kitchen and if momma wants a strainer/sifter/slicer/peeler whatchamacallits ... it is NECESSARY!) I am talking about the kind of stuff I see at the boardwalk. The chachkies. The dreck. The zotskies. The stuff that can only be sold to a bored human.

While I generally ignore what 2leggeds wear or adorn themselves with -except for that whole scrunchies things with momma- (I think I finally broke her of that habit! Clinton and Stacey rejoice!) some things are just hard to ignore. At my eye level, when I am walking at the boardwalk I see things that just boggle my little mind. What is the deal with strings tied around human ankles? Are those 2 leggeds trying to remember something? It is fashion? I felt compelled to go smell one just to figure out what it was. Just smelled like beach... So what is the point of them?

At my eye level, as I walk along the shops I observe things like... fuzzy little balls with eyes with sticky parts that are sold as "computer mates". What do the do? I smelled a couple. They smell like dust. As far as I can tell they do nothing. They are not food... so why? Why were they made and who buys them for 99 cents?

Ok, one of the most bizarre thing I have encountered for which neither JD or Wendy could provide me insight, are these plastic, ugly, colored scary looking things, the 2leggeds call "GNOMES". Ick. Apparently there are some that are of better ...ehmm quality??? But why????
The ones sold at the boardwalk are not high end. But again the question I need an answer to is WHY? How would quality impact the reason they exist at all? Momma called them garden gnomes. Do they grow? Why do you want them in the garden? They do not smell good and they are ugly so... why???

Maybe I should sit down and catalogue I absolutely want to exclude from my Amazon wish list... 1. no strings for my ankles
2. no fuzzy balls with fake eyes for my puter
3. NO gnomes... of any kind, quality or purpose.
4. No pet rocks. I am your pet, not some dumb rock.
5. no doggy hat with antennas, antlers, halos... feathers... banners, blinkie lights.. etc.
6. no invisible dog leash.

Ok, that is a start. When in doubt... Chewies, I love chewies, or a tank -I am easy to buy for!
'vie


why why why

Monday, August 25, 2008

A TOAST to NEW FRIENDS


Being one of 3 makes outings an event. Three Bichons are always an event. Friday, at the ocean front in VA Beach we socialized momma and daddy. We do this for their benefit. We introduce them to people. This time I picked out a very good looking young woman and her husband who sounded just like momma does when she talks to the grandma. They speak a different language. Italian. Yes, this is what makes me a such a cosmopolitan puppy! Tonight we shared dinner with them. Such fun. I shall call her Katie and him David. Close enough. I like them, a lot. and they like me, I think. My advice to all of you 4leggeds, If you want to have happy 2leggeds, socialized them. They do much better if they are made to interact with other 2leggeds.

After all, while they are part of our pack, they do need to play with their own kind. :)

And I loved listening to the lovely lingo. I volunteer to go to Milan or Bologna or Firenze with Momma. Wonder if Italian Bichons have a different language too.


Piacere conoscervi Katie and David

'vie

and make my cappuccino con extra schiuma

{that means give me extra foam on the cappuccino}

Sunday, August 24, 2008

SUGAR and spice and everything nice

NOT! Let's scare the 2leggeds to death. The teeth game!!!!

















































Are they scared? LOL Oh ok, go Kiss up the daddy, calm him down. 2leggeds, wossies!
Fierce 'vie
I LOVE my Wendy!




Saturday, August 23, 2008

STALKING and other celery stuff





"SHHHHH Be quiet. Look. Over there. Don't move, don't talk. Listen.... Rabbit at 11o'clock. Look at it. "


"Think it knows the squirrel?"


"Hmmm wonder what it thinks it doing... Why is it so still?"

"I am bored. It is just sitting there!"


"SHHHHHHHHH don't you know anything about stalking?"


"What's celery have to do with it?"


"Huh??? Celery"


"You said "stalking" ha ha stalk, celery... get it?"


"Groan. You make my brain hurt"


"FYI I know all about stalking, but that rabbit is not worthy of a stalk. It is playing freeze and that is a dumb game- I am bored"


"Ok go away, just don't ruin this for me..."


"Hey, GREAT WHITE HUNTER! You should hunt something worth of your hunting skill... ohhh never mind.. a rabbit might be just right for you..."


"Kidlet you might want to take advantage of that free running start, because I am about done with your sass"


"Somebody is touchy... I am just saying that rabbit is NO squirrel and we all know THE SQUIRREL needs to be mine. All I am saying is focus..."


"It just BOLTED!"


"Good now we can go in he backyard an HUNT Squirrels! Wendy let's go!"


just wanna chew on a squirrel,
'vie

WE promise.

To all the 2leggeds who work so hard helping pups find homes with chewies and belly scratches, thank you.

We promise to return the favor whenever we can.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/americas/08/22/argentina.dog.tale/index.html


babies smell like happy,
'vie

Friday, August 22, 2008

On POLITICS


Truly, really, honestly... I have no interest whatsoever in immersing myself in the likes of politics. Mr. McCain you are safe, Mr Obama... ditto. Sausage and politics and all that. Besides, the truth is whoever is elected will be tainted by the process itself and forever changed.


Yes, I am a political pessimist, but if anyone is reading this out there, show me a comprehensive, national policy that affords protections to animals, bans puppy mills and breeding indiscriminately for profit and YOU HAVE MY VOTE and my undivided attention.


Until me then, the oval office is just a room with NO corners.


All politics is local

'vie

Obama's VP is...

ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Okay. Maybe not. But it so should be. C'mon. I promise not to chew on anything too important!!!

Fighting for a corner of the Oval Office,
'vie




Thursday, August 21, 2008

Hi Quillah!

Yes, there is a Dog Tooth Fairy. I know this because when JD's baby teeth fell out [2 got pulled because did not fall and he had double fangs....] the teeth fairy brought him toys. Make sure you put in your request for what you want (I would suggest a tank) so the fairy knows what to get you.

SO, you are getting ready to go to a forever home? NEAT!!! Just make sure your 2leggeds know how special you are!
xoxo
'vie

PS. Take my phone no along so we can arrange play dates.

Another Jump to DELUSION

Look at this!

LIVING WITH HUMANS HAS TAUGHT DOGS MORALS, SAY SCIENTISTS


OMG. Is this a joke? It's such a jump to delusions! Hey humans!! It's not always about you.

Okay, I can make some allowances for humans' egocentricity. BUT really???? The article states that dogs are becoming more intelligent. Ok... Some of us are. (I do try to read at least one educational book a week. And by "read" I mean "chew.") But I think what we're talking about here is called evolutionary maturation. (I just made that up, but it sounds scientific, right? That reading is paying off!) We were always intelligent. Maybe now some of you are more observant? Look, as a cosmopolitan canine. I know elevators, planes, cars, hotels, hot tubs, pools... The Wii (I'm an excellent bowler), puters, phones, etc. etc... I am exposed to things. I learn. The ice machine held my fascination for a full minute. Now I expect ice. As I see, I learn. Normal.

Now this is the part that I have trouble swallowing... "even learning morals from human contact." Puh-lease. Morality is the underpinning of canine social structure in a pack. What can humans teach us? Do I need to send you all back to my post titled Philosophy101 ? And these are "experts." I just cannot believe you 2leggeds! Of course if you live with us you can understand what we mean when we bark or grunt or whatever! WE understand what you say! And we have a harder time because you pepper your request with useless words that really add NOTHING... As momma would say OY VE!

Here is a suggestion. Scrap the "experts." Get a few Bichons and their humans in a room and observe. We have humanized many of our behaviors. (Comes from being circus dogs... Give them what they want and they feed you... duh) You want to marvel? Marvel at how we have trained our 2leggeds. JD grunts and commands water be brought to him in a moving vehicle. That is the power of 2legged training! One or two grunts and voila' water. :) I watched him and I am trying that same technique (but I'm going to ask for chewies and a tank.)

Also, JD perfected the art of the dismissive lick. When he is done drinking he gently dismisses the 2leggeds with a lick of the hand. (I call that the Thank you my good man move) I tell you, your "experts" could learn something from JD.

The voice gender experiments mentioned in the article.... laughable. Obviously they do not watch Project Runway. This week's episode would have really messed up their stats. HA HA HA
Girlie voice out of big bulky guy in my book would have resulted in one assumption only: something is going to be sparkly!!!!

Dr Horowitz, You can play with me and the fam. Just bring your own toys; I really don't like to share. I bet it will give you some insight. And thank you for the belly laugh. I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard (but I think it involved tickling or corned beef).

JD just gave you an eyebrow blink. That means nuts in dog lingo. Just so you know.

Not deluded, fully rational
'vie

BARK in the park

So your 2legged tells you that he/she loves you. Do they mean it? Hmmm. I really knew momma loved me when she took me to Bark in Park. This is a giant event all about me... the 4 legged. My foods, my toys, my flags, my treats, my friends... ME ME ME ME. See, once a year, we all get together and party. Auntie Robin from Tidewater Bichon Frise Rescue [my rescue] bakes her special liver treats. We stock up our freezer. :))) Ehmm Auntie Diane made these chicken balls. To die for. {Do not say anything to momma... hers... not the same.} Momma makes liverissimo and other treats, and yes, we allow the 2leggeds to get food and all, but the event is about us. For us. My rescue sells things to raise funds for other dogs in rescue. It is the circle of life!

You would not believe how many 4leggeds come to Bark in the Park. Big ones, small ones, all sorts of ones.

Hope Jasper shows up. I liked him. He is a police dog. He is my kind of guy. Uniformed. Disciplined. Able to take and follow orders. Eye Candy. :) Hi Jazzy....

Sigh. I have to wait for Bark in the Park.
'vie

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

While SHOPPING

Me: " Which place is this?"

JD "I don't know but I smell treats.

Wendy: "Are you sure?



JD: "What is that? Clothes? Oh no..." Me "She better not be thinking of buying that!"


Me to JD "Heyy you are crowding me"

JD to me "I am king of world" (I say to myself ...no more HBO for this guy!)




Wendy and I trying to understand the funny 2 legged that is Coooocie cooing us....



We gave up.... I did not get it.

Yak yak... momma thinks she is sooo funny.... she told some 2 legged we were 3 for a dollar in aisle 5... ha ha... We need to buy her a sense of humor.

mellowing out today
'vie

BUSY day see and say

video

video

video

Being a companion pet is a lot of work. Sometimes it feels as if you are in and out of shopping carts all day long. Lots of errands, some shopping and even an "educational" experience.or two.

What do they say?

C'est la vie!!!

Oops Je suis 'vie!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

FAY go AWAY!!!

What does a girl have to do to get some chicken treats around here? I have tried my cutest poses. I have done the full body stretch. I have let out the long sigh. What is keeping the momma so busy that she can't pay attention to me? Do I have to resort to mischief to get noticed? Do I? Really? Maybe I just need to go find out what it is that is stands between me and my treats. What is a Fay? The grandma lives in Florida and the Fay is going to Florida. The Fay must be bad because momma is worried about the grandma. Well, the grandma could just close the door and not let the Fay in. This Fay must be like a squirrel or something. Or the grandma could come here and then she would not be home for the Fay. JD and Wendy said that the Fay is a hurricane. A big ugly storm. JD says when he was a baby he saw a hurricane called Isabel. It was nasty and it made things fly around and it rained a lot and it broke things. Hurricane. Winds with names. Strange. Wendy says she was born during one hurricane but she does not remember it. So where do these hurricanes come from? If they are so nasty, tell them to go away, turn them off. Who turns them on?
I want my chicken.


This was JD as a puppy asleep during the hurricane Isabel. Momma has lots of pictures of him. He looks OK. He looks safe. Tell the grandma to sleep during the hurricane! She will be safe too.

Is the chicken jerky still in the bag?

Momma talks on the phone, watches boring weather channel, talks some more on the phone... I lick her hand while she is on the phone. I lick her leg, I whine. I whine some more...

Finally! Just like that, momma absent mindedly walks to the kitchen, unzips the bag and gives each of us a treat... Just like that. Phone between her neck and ear, walking around doing things, talking to the grandma, momma remembered to gives us a treat. She loves us.

FAY GO AWAY! Leave the grandma alone. Or else. GRRRRRR

'vie

Monday, August 18, 2008

happenstance or HAPPYstance....



Sooo, after my vengeful pillow retaliatory tirade, I was kind of tired. (She whose name still upsets me [momma] kept picking up the stupid pillows) Anyway, once I tired her out I realized how tired I am. Look... I accidentally made a pillow cave! A pillow fort! It is such a perfect place for a nap that I think I will take full advantage of this happenstance and take an afternoon snooze.

BTW... the "peach" itchy thing is no longer in sight. :) Mission accomplished.

Zzzzzzzzz
'vie

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